Chinese Whispers

OLAS 436 April 8th 2008

I’ve heard a rumour that Alan Curbishley has discarded his copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and started instead to flick through OLAS for his nighttime reading. For weeks and weeks I have been just one of many OLAS scribes telling Curbishley to start playing the youth team prospects. And he’s finally taken notice. Freddie Sears and James Tomkins have been given the nod and grasped the opportunity with both hands (and feet) and it seems that Jack Collison will find himself in the action before long – who knows, maybe tonight?

On the other had, given that China is all over the news these days, it might not be OLAS at all. Perhaps Curbs has been reading the works of Chairman Mao, and stumbled across the old leader’s words in a mass rally to the youth during the cultural revolution:

"The world is yours, as well as ours, but in the last analysis, it is yours. You young people, full of vigour and vitality, are in the bloom of life, like the sun at eight or nine in the morning. Our hope is placed on you."

I should point out that’s ‘the sun’ not “The Sun” at 8 in the morning, by the way.

My friend Ian, who makes a living as a “Socialist Conjuror” among other things, used to include a line about Chairman Mao in his shows. He would proclaim to the audience “This is the very trick that I once performed for Chairman Mao. Well, he said he was Chairman Mao. Well, what he said was, if you’re a magician…”

Meanwhile, the young ones are doing us proud. I couldn’t get to the Blackburn game but I found myself on one of the West Ham websites an hour into the match and everyone was writing in saying it was 1-1, there’s half an our left, he’s going to bring on Freddie Sears and we’ll win 2-1. So many punters were absolutely sure of it. But I don’t think any of them would have reckoned on him taking his goal as spectacularly as he did, diving to follow up the goalie’s parry, with a brave header.

I had heard rave reports of Freddie over the last year and all the goals he’s been bagging for the youths and reserve teams, but had not had an opportunity to see what he can do. What I’ve seen in recent games has been really impressive. He’s been likened to Tony Cottee, which is no bad thing. To me he also has something of Jermaine Defoe about him – quick, powerful and alert with a real scent for goals (but hopefully without the urge to bite other players). And although they’ve only just begun to play together, he seems to work really well with Deano. A truly effective Little and (very) Large combination! Deano really seems to enjoy playing alongside him. And wasn’t it great to see Deano taking a real top-notch striker’s goal against Everton with real panache. He was unlucky not to make it three in three games, against Sunderland, with that clever placed shot that beat the goalie but bounced back of the post.

At Everton, James Tomkins at the back couldn’t have had a more eventful first 10 minutes against one of the country’s top teams, on their patch. Early on he ran up for a corner and smacked a header against the bar. Back down the other end, though, his lack of experience told against Yakubu whose clinical finish proved that in the premiership there are no second chances.

Yet, far from his error undermining him, he played the rest of the 90 minutes with determination and growing confidence. In true West Ham style he played the ball out of the area several times instead of just hoofing it. And just as Freddie Sears had Deano supporting and encouraging him, so Tomkins had Anton back to his best alongside him. I had written previously that bringing the youth players in would have a galvanizing effect on some of our more complacent stars weighed down by their wage packets – and so far that seems to be true. The performances against Blackburn and Everton were a massive improvement. Having said that, after you lose 4-0 three times in a row the only is up.

Still, it did the trick for Rob Green. He’s been banging at the England door with terrific performances between the posts this year and last year. He just hadn’t cottoned on that by letting in 12 goals in three games he would finally get noticed. So, thanks Chelsea, Liverpool and Spurs. Funny old game. And now that he’s been called up it proves that he’s not going to have to be playing for the Arse to get chosen. Of course the only flaw in this logic is that Ribonson has just let in four at Spurs against one of the crappiest teams in the league. That might keep him ahead of Greenie.

Now what about Portsmouth then? Well I like them, and I still love Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Redknapp on the wing, on the wing. Nearly 40 years ago – 68-69 season Harry was sensational down the wing. So many goals came from his darting runs and pinpoint crosses. Everyone said he couldn’t shoot but I remember two volleyed goals he got that year, one low from the edge of the box in a 4-0 drubbing of West Brom and one sensational net-burster – the winning goal in a 4-3 victory against QPR. As a manager here he had his ups and downs. He made many good decisions and some bad ones, but considering how dreary things are now I Iook back on his days in charge as golden days when we played exciting football and could upset the big guns. The icing on the cake was when he led us to that FA cup victory at Old Trafford.

Portsmouth back then were small fry. Today, though, are sitting where we should be. Without the wealth and institutional power of the big four, they are four places and nine points above us, pushing hard for a European place in both the league and the cup. They fear no one.

We’ve shown attacking flair on the road but Portsmouth can match this. They have won eight times away from home this season. They play fast attacking football and, on the whole, they have bought in exciting, talented players who have knees that work and can move without crutches. Even their older players are not quite ready for the donkey sanctuary like some of ours are. They are still motivated and still trying to prove something. Not surprisingly they have scored eleven more goals than we have.

Granted, Harry may not be a better looker than Curbs but he’s got ambition, personality and a sense of humour. I tend to judge people by the “airport lounge” test. I imagine being on a long-haul flight that has had to cut its journey short in some god-forsaken place. The connecting flight is 10 hours away and I’ve got to while away that time chatting in a spartan airport lounge to my neighbour on the flight. If it was Curbs, I know that within 10 minutes we’d be looking at each other with nothing to say. But Harry – well, even after 10 hours, we’d still be chatting and laughing.

In his autobiography I loved his line about one of his flutters a few years back. He put money on West Ham to win the cup and Dana International – the transsexual Israeli singer – to win the Eurovision song contest. He described it as the ultimate each-way bet! (But only one of them came off)

I will cheer him when he comes back home today, and David James and Glen Johnson. As for Jermaine – in the humanity stakes he’s definitely a bit of a **** but as a footballer he’s top class. And if Freddie Sears gets anywhere near his level of play in the coming years, and Tomkins and Collison meet their potential than we can look forward with hope.

Or as Chairman Mao said: “The future is bright and no one can change this general trend of history. Come on you Irons!” Well, he said he was Chairman Mao…well, actually, he said, “if that’s a genuine quote…”