OLAS 442 30th August 2008
Sometimes you can look at something from a distance and think it looks really special, only to find as you get much closer that it’s not what you thought and you return disappointed. If anyone sees in the distance a score line, which shows West Ham winning 4-1, don’t be fooled. We were atrocious but lucky.
So, how can you be lucky when you win by such a margin? Well, over 90 minutes, West Ham were fortunate to be on level terms with a team languishing at the bottom of League 2 who are yet to score this season. After needlessly giving a corner away from a lack of communication between Davenport and Green, and with Davenport off the field getting attention while the corner was taken, we got mugged by a simple header from the corner on the six-yard box.
Macclesfield held on until the 74th minute when Bowyer equalised. We barely deserved it. Up to then our play had been slow and predictable, and completely lacking in any bite. We were so dull, in fact, that I managed to read most of OLAS during the game without missing much of the action. And that’s no reflection on OLAS – which was as good a read as ever. Macclesfield were well-organised, quick to break and would have been perfectly good value for the win.
Earlier that day the Evening Standard carried headlines claiming that morale was at an all-time low at Upton Park, and the players seemed to express that with their insipid performance for 90 minutes. Maybe the crowd didn’t lift them enough, but then it was hardly a crowd. As I walked to my seat there was no need to say, “excuse me” to anyone. I could stretch my arms and legs. It was like a private party – with West Ham waiting for me to arrive and playing just for me (though within a few minutes it had the atmosphere of a private funeral).
I haven’t seen a stand so empty since I used to go to Leyton Orient back in the day, when you used to phone them to check what time the game was, and they’d reply, “What time can you get here?” Well, it was almost like that. And we know whose fault it was that Upton Park was a sea of empty seats. I opened my last OLAS piece fulminating at the outrageous prices we were made to pay of this lowly fixture. It seems that a lot of you dedicated fans who come week after week watching us play shite for most of the game, were better than me at saying “enough is enough”. You voted with your feet to tell our greedy landlords what you thought of their complete and utter chutzpah.
Now, I already have lots of reasons for hating Lee Bowyer, and I won’t rehearse them again here, and I didn’t think I would need to stack up any more, but I’ve got one now. Without his late goal, with barely a quarter of an hour to go, I don’t think we would have drawn level. We would have been out of the Carling Cup; one of our few chances of any success this year – and to a team several leagues below us on our home turf. Had that happened I have no doubt that Alan Curbishley would have been shown the door. He might even have had the self-respect to open the door himself and wave goodbye. As it is, he lives to bore us and drag us down a little longer, and who knows what state we will be in when the inevitable finally happens?
I don’t want to get all Shakespearian, though I know you OLAS readers are a cultured crowd, but as Lady Macbeth says “If it were done when 't is done, then 't were well ‘t were done quickly.” Wonder if she’s available for the post of manager…
The papers on Thursday morning described the crowd singing for Curbishley, before Bowyer’s goal, “Your gonna be sacked in the morning”. Then they quoted Curbs saying he “enjoys” his job (well I guess he might, in a Max Mosley sort of way).
But really it’s beyond a joke now. And on the subject of humiliation and beatings, one of West Ham’s greatest (that is to say, worst) humiliations was when Blackburn arrived at Christmas 1964 and their Christmas surprise was to thump West Ham 8-2 at Upton Park. Well, it looks like that kind of Christmas may be coming early here when Blackburn return today. On our Carling cup performance over 90 minutes I can see Blackburn putting eight past us, though I can’t see us getting two. Two bookings maybe, but goals? I don’t think so. And when you know who will be gloating with that plastic smile on Match of the Day, after they thump us that is not an enticing prospect.
On the KUMB website the other day I noticed one commentator compared Alan Curbishley with Gordon Brown. Using the pseudonym “Harry Redflap” I observed: “Except that Gordon Brown lacks Curbishley's charisma and sense of humour. What's the odds on who's getting relegated first - West Ham or Labour? Actually we could do with a bit of peoples' power in both these institutions.''
And now the good news…because there is some. As the players left the field, ultimately to applause at the end of the Macclesfield marathon, there were four players who could emerge with their heads held high from this game, and three of them were substitutes. Of the 11 that started, only Deano looked as if he wanted to be there and make an impact. He was unfortunate not to get on the scoresheet himself, had a hand in two of the goals and especially in that extra-time period, after lowly Macclesfield had managed to get a player sent off to make it an even game and give us a fighting chance, Deano showed a lot of nice touches.
Carlton Cole looked sharp when he came on and was determined to get a goal, which he did. But the two brightest stars were Kyel Reid and Zavon Hines. Kyel has worked hard to earn his chance at West Ham. When he had occasional opportunities in the past to show what he could do, he looked determined but very one-footed and quite predictable. He’s obviously been working at his game and loan periods have done him no harm at all. He’s come back a more balanced, skilful and powerful player. Not only did he show that he has the ability to go past players to the by-line but also that he could pack a powerful and accurate shot. And in a side that shows an almost pacifistic aversion to shooting, that’s coming at just the right time.
Kyel Reid needs to be placed above Mattie Etherington in the pecking order now and be given some proper opportunities. Mattie, you scored a great goal for us a few years back against Ipswich, but you are pretty second rate now and you are fulfilling the role that I had been reluctant to mark you down as – essentially, you are a Spurs reject. You might think you can still do it, and if you are still on the gambling crack, you might want to bet on making a comeback, but if we are determined to play our strongest team I don’t see it happening. When we need a strong left-sided midfielder I would plump for Kyel every time now.
The other good news is Zavon Hines, who looks quite a prospect – quick, comfortable on the ball, inventive, competitive – why, I can almost see him going to Aston Villa now. Let’s hope he stays and we can turn him into one of our next academy graduates. With Noble below his best, Parker faffing around, Faubert showing moments of great ability and promise but not consistently, we should be prepared to give Zavon some opportunities on the bigger stage. And it wouldn’t do any harm to those who have hugged the midfield places this year to know there is serious competition.
Meanwhile, another of the bright stars from our academy firmament has departed. As I predicted he would last year, Anton Ferdinand has gone. He was a quality player whose emotional maturity was a bit lacking but that would come in time. Of course, the Board have got a good price for him, but they have also confirmed that we are a selling, not a buying club. With several of our defenders of less quality still injured, this transfer smacks of financial desperation and severely weakens our defensive options. If Upson or Davenport gets injured what are we going to do – play Luis Boa Morte in central defence? And what message does it send to the best of our academy players? To Zavon, Kyel and Freddie? As the transfer widow is half-shut, I suspect there will be more movement out than in, though I wouldn’t rule out us picking up some league 2 player on loan and have them talked up by Curbishley as the new Ronaldo.
Let’s hope that whichever players are picked today have enough self-respect, and respect for us fans to put in a big performance. Enjoy the game. COYI!!!
Saturday 30 August 2008
Thursday 28 August 2008
WHAT A LIBERTY!
OLAS 441 27th August 2008
Twenty pounds to see West Ham play Macclesfield? Oh, plus a booking fee of £1.50. And that’s on top of nearly £900 I’ve paid as a season ticket holder, to watch 19 league games. I don’t want to sound like Cath Tate’s grandmother but, really, what a fucking liberty!
Tonight’s match (and the next round, if I can admit a little optimism) should have been thrown in gratis for season ticket holders, set at no more than a tenner for other adults, and allowed kids in for a quid. The players are on annual salaries, not on sweatshop piece-rates, so tonight’s game entails no extra costs for them. Yes, you’ve got to pay the non-playing staff and there a bit of leccy on the floodlights, but, come on West Ham, give something to the long-suffering Hammers fans and we’d have a packed house for a game where we might see the ball hitting the net a few times.
After all, that guy Stanley, from Accrington, beat Macclesdfield 2-0 all on his own at the weekend and we’ve got 11 players. And, you know what, West Ham? With a full house you sell a lot more booze, pies and programmes. Everyone’s happy, fed and watered.
Disregarding a few historical slip-ups, a tie at home against League 2 opposition ought to be the kind of game that we win comfortably, and when the result is beyond doubt, it is the perfect opportunity to blood some of our younger players. Do we want them to play in a half-empty stadium or would we like them to be cheered on by a full house?
But this lot running the finances at Upton Park have got so used to ripping us off at every single turn, I don’t think they can see it that way at all.
There are several clubs you could go to where your season ticket includes some cup games and even European games. Here, they are probably working out how much more they could charge us should we ever get anywhere near Europe in the next few years.
So who wants it to be like this? What do the players think? Do they believe that the crowd should continue to be ripped off? I don’t think so, and I can’t believe that many of the people who work for the club below boardroom level agree with shafting the fans either.
I don’t know if you are familiar with the company called Philosophy Football who have marketed some excellent shirts over the years, but their new one has a simple statement that is so apt for our situation and that of a good few clubs in the Poundstretcher Premiership. It just says “AGAINST MOD£RN FOOTBALL” (www.philosophyfootball.com)
We’re not asking for the Earth – just a bit of value for money and the occasional gesture to show that there is more to a football club than an economic enterprise run for the benefit of its shareholders.
So the season began with West Ham taking three points. There were quite a few positives to take from the Wigan game but likewise the concerns were only too obvious. I was losing patience with Deano last season but he played a blinder against Wigan and did everything that we hoped he would do when he joined the club. He was a constant threat in the first half, when the midfield were more energetic and the wingers were seeing more of the ball.
When Deano first arrived at Upton Park, without trying to be hyperbolic I wrote in OLAS that there was something about him that reminded me of Geoff Hurst. Well, the manner in which he took his first goal against Wigan - a quick turn and an unstoppable rising shot from 15 yards – took me back many years and reminded me of the goals I used to see by Geoffrey week after week.
Deano’s second was a matter of being in the right place at the right time. But what pleased me apart from the goals was the hunger with which he played throughout the game. Although at the point when hunger became greed, in typical West ham fashion, he injured himself. There was no way he was going to score from a free kick 35 years out. He’s no Nobby Solano. The guys sitting next to me were taking bets as to which row of the Bobby Moore Upper it would land in.
What was striking as the team came out was how tall they were (apart from the mascots). I thought for a moment that I had got smaller over the summer, which is possible. No exaggeration, It was like “Land of the giants” out there. Having Upson and Davenport in defence and Cole and Deano up front actually winning the ball in the air, really made a difference in the first half. Last year we were pathetic in the air and we paid for it at both ends. Wigan’s solitary goal in a poor second half, when we could have been hammered by a stronger team, followed one of the few times they outjumped us in our penalty area.
Upson and Davenport did well for most of the game, and Faubert gave more than a few hints that we can expect much more quality from him this year. He was involved in both goals and he gave us good width. Mattie was in and out of the game, fading particularly in the second half, but the reason we nearly gave the game away was the collapse of the central midfield. Parker and Noble ran out of puff by half time and neither offered much creativity.
Of course it would be stupid to make judgements for the season from the first game. But I’m just praying that the pattern of starting brightly and fading away displayed here does not herald another Charlton Athletic type season of hope and plummet.
Nice to see Zamora play a terrific game against Arsenal using pace and power to take players on. Shame it wasn’t for us. At the end of the day, though, it was three points at Wigan’s expense. And that was at least three more than Spurs got. Seeing Spurs get defeated again in their second game kept me smiling of course. Only I’m not smiling now.
Last year one of our best performances of a disappointing season was at Citeh, where we deserved much more than one point. This year we go there on the back of a first day win, to a club who let four goals in on day one, are missing most of their forwards, and have trouble in the boardroom. We offer nothing and let them walk all over us. Pathetic. West Ham? Same old, same old………(insert any word that starts with “sh” and ends in “t”)
I’m writing this before listening to Curbishley’s lame excuses, because I know that will depress me further and you won’t want to read all that “moan, moan, kill Curbishley, moan, moan, sack the board” stuff in August. So I’m sparing you that. But, I’m looking for a big result tonight and on Saturday to get us back on track immediately, otherwise I’ll…otherwise I’ll… well, I don’t know, I’ll start supporting Accrington Stanley or something!
Final word on Macclesfield. Apparently the local nickname for the town of Macclesfield is “Treacle Town”. This dates back to an alleged incident where a merchant spilt a load of treacle on Hibel Road in the middle of the town, and the poor rushed out to scoop it off the cobbles. Have to say that scooping treacle off me cobbles sounds a bit more enticing than watching West Ham and listening to Curbishley at the moment. Come on West Ham – prove me wrong!
Twenty pounds to see West Ham play Macclesfield? Oh, plus a booking fee of £1.50. And that’s on top of nearly £900 I’ve paid as a season ticket holder, to watch 19 league games. I don’t want to sound like Cath Tate’s grandmother but, really, what a fucking liberty!
Tonight’s match (and the next round, if I can admit a little optimism) should have been thrown in gratis for season ticket holders, set at no more than a tenner for other adults, and allowed kids in for a quid. The players are on annual salaries, not on sweatshop piece-rates, so tonight’s game entails no extra costs for them. Yes, you’ve got to pay the non-playing staff and there a bit of leccy on the floodlights, but, come on West Ham, give something to the long-suffering Hammers fans and we’d have a packed house for a game where we might see the ball hitting the net a few times.
After all, that guy Stanley, from Accrington, beat Macclesdfield 2-0 all on his own at the weekend and we’ve got 11 players. And, you know what, West Ham? With a full house you sell a lot more booze, pies and programmes. Everyone’s happy, fed and watered.
Disregarding a few historical slip-ups, a tie at home against League 2 opposition ought to be the kind of game that we win comfortably, and when the result is beyond doubt, it is the perfect opportunity to blood some of our younger players. Do we want them to play in a half-empty stadium or would we like them to be cheered on by a full house?
But this lot running the finances at Upton Park have got so used to ripping us off at every single turn, I don’t think they can see it that way at all.
There are several clubs you could go to where your season ticket includes some cup games and even European games. Here, they are probably working out how much more they could charge us should we ever get anywhere near Europe in the next few years.
So who wants it to be like this? What do the players think? Do they believe that the crowd should continue to be ripped off? I don’t think so, and I can’t believe that many of the people who work for the club below boardroom level agree with shafting the fans either.
I don’t know if you are familiar with the company called Philosophy Football who have marketed some excellent shirts over the years, but their new one has a simple statement that is so apt for our situation and that of a good few clubs in the Poundstretcher Premiership. It just says “AGAINST MOD£RN FOOTBALL” (www.philosophyfootball.com)
We’re not asking for the Earth – just a bit of value for money and the occasional gesture to show that there is more to a football club than an economic enterprise run for the benefit of its shareholders.
So the season began with West Ham taking three points. There were quite a few positives to take from the Wigan game but likewise the concerns were only too obvious. I was losing patience with Deano last season but he played a blinder against Wigan and did everything that we hoped he would do when he joined the club. He was a constant threat in the first half, when the midfield were more energetic and the wingers were seeing more of the ball.
When Deano first arrived at Upton Park, without trying to be hyperbolic I wrote in OLAS that there was something about him that reminded me of Geoff Hurst. Well, the manner in which he took his first goal against Wigan - a quick turn and an unstoppable rising shot from 15 yards – took me back many years and reminded me of the goals I used to see by Geoffrey week after week.
Deano’s second was a matter of being in the right place at the right time. But what pleased me apart from the goals was the hunger with which he played throughout the game. Although at the point when hunger became greed, in typical West ham fashion, he injured himself. There was no way he was going to score from a free kick 35 years out. He’s no Nobby Solano. The guys sitting next to me were taking bets as to which row of the Bobby Moore Upper it would land in.
What was striking as the team came out was how tall they were (apart from the mascots). I thought for a moment that I had got smaller over the summer, which is possible. No exaggeration, It was like “Land of the giants” out there. Having Upson and Davenport in defence and Cole and Deano up front actually winning the ball in the air, really made a difference in the first half. Last year we were pathetic in the air and we paid for it at both ends. Wigan’s solitary goal in a poor second half, when we could have been hammered by a stronger team, followed one of the few times they outjumped us in our penalty area.
Upson and Davenport did well for most of the game, and Faubert gave more than a few hints that we can expect much more quality from him this year. He was involved in both goals and he gave us good width. Mattie was in and out of the game, fading particularly in the second half, but the reason we nearly gave the game away was the collapse of the central midfield. Parker and Noble ran out of puff by half time and neither offered much creativity.
Of course it would be stupid to make judgements for the season from the first game. But I’m just praying that the pattern of starting brightly and fading away displayed here does not herald another Charlton Athletic type season of hope and plummet.
Nice to see Zamora play a terrific game against Arsenal using pace and power to take players on. Shame it wasn’t for us. At the end of the day, though, it was three points at Wigan’s expense. And that was at least three more than Spurs got. Seeing Spurs get defeated again in their second game kept me smiling of course. Only I’m not smiling now.
Last year one of our best performances of a disappointing season was at Citeh, where we deserved much more than one point. This year we go there on the back of a first day win, to a club who let four goals in on day one, are missing most of their forwards, and have trouble in the boardroom. We offer nothing and let them walk all over us. Pathetic. West Ham? Same old, same old………(insert any word that starts with “sh” and ends in “t”)
I’m writing this before listening to Curbishley’s lame excuses, because I know that will depress me further and you won’t want to read all that “moan, moan, kill Curbishley, moan, moan, sack the board” stuff in August. So I’m sparing you that. But, I’m looking for a big result tonight and on Saturday to get us back on track immediately, otherwise I’ll…otherwise I’ll… well, I don’t know, I’ll start supporting Accrington Stanley or something!
Final word on Macclesfield. Apparently the local nickname for the town of Macclesfield is “Treacle Town”. This dates back to an alleged incident where a merchant spilt a load of treacle on Hibel Road in the middle of the town, and the poor rushed out to scoop it off the cobbles. Have to say that scooping treacle off me cobbles sounds a bit more enticing than watching West Ham and listening to Curbishley at the moment. Come on West Ham – prove me wrong!
Sunday 17 August 2008
IN THE MOOD
OLAS 440 16th August 2008
We’ve just come back from two weeks camping in Belgium and Luxembourg and during that time I managed to stay away from the computer completely and ignore all the crazy transfer speculation. Avoiding any internet cafes, I was concentrating on the things that matter – fresh air, beautiful scenery, sunsets, great beer and an endless supply of frites.
It was hard, though, trying to shut down totally on what might be happening at Upton Park. One night I even found myself dreaming about being at the ground and feeling startled and disturbed that I didn’t recognise a soul on the pitch. (Though, to be fair, I’ve seen several games where the players don’t seem to recognise each other either.) On the way back to England I succumbed and couldn’t resist buying an English newspaper and was amused to read: “Thatcher Booed at West Ham”. It sounds like plans for the state funeral are proceeding apace, and down at Upton Park we’re already getting well in the mood!
It brought to my mind the joke about the guy, back in the 1980s, sentenced to death but given a last request.
He said “I’d really like it if my ashes could be placed next to Maggie Thatcher’s ashes.”
“But she’s not dead yet” came the reply.
“It’s OK,” he said, “I can wait…”
Well I’m certainly in the mood for the new season, trying my best to shake off every ounce of negativity from last year with as much vigour as Deano is trying to shed those pounds. What a crap season that was. It was all over by January and I reckon I saw three good games the whole year. I felt like I was walking around with “MUG” tattooed on my forehead the day I renewed my season ticket…but hey, that’s what makes us West Ham!
This year, I really want to believe that we are going to move forward, we’ll see some great attacking football at Upton Park, go as far as we can in the cups and push for a European place. And along the way, a new crop of youngsters will emerge at the heart of the team. Interesting that what little transfer activity we have been involved in has seen three youngsters come in – Behrami, Eyjolfsson and Bajner whose combined ages don’t add up to much more than mine. If this signals a desire to buy young and build for the future rather than buy over the hill and build for the past – then good. Let’s have more of it. But the news that we are even considering Ben Thatcher suggests that this new progressive mindset has not been firmly established yet.
I once read that (Ben) Thatcher suffers from Tourette’s Syndrome and can’t help shouting out all kinds of expletives. In his Wimbledon days he apparently turned down a potential appearance on a children’s TV programme because of this disability. Tourettes is still a mystery to the medical profession. Fucking tossers! But the strange thing is that when I read we were giving Thatcher a trial I let out an uncontrolled stream of expletives too. It really is that contagious.
Of the coming and goings through Upton Park’s revolving door I’m genuinely saddened to see Bobby Z and John Paintsil go - to Fulham. I’m not at all sorry to see the fabulously wealthy and fabulously lazy Freddie swanning off. But it sounds like the club got the worst of all worlds – he hardly played any games and we have had to pay shedloads of cash to end his contract and take him off the weekly wage bill.
What worries me, though, are those that are still the wrong side of that revolving door – especially Rigor Mortis, Muggins and Lee Bonehead. And what irks me are the ones that got away. We’ve been linked in the past with Nick Shorey, Steve Sidwell and Luke Young and now they’ve all been snapped up by the other claret and blue – Aston Villa. Dave Kitson’s been nabbed by Stoke, Paschal Chimbonda by Sunderland and Luke Moore by West Brom. These are not top-notch players and the amounts they moved for were not huge, but they are a damn sight better than the deadwood we are still hanging on to. Even grabbing a couple of them would have strengthened our squad considerably.
At least the Fixture Fairy has been kind to us. Several of the first few games look winnable even without the players we missed out on and even with the injury problems we are still carrying. Not surprisingly Bellamy will miss those first few games. Call me cynical but I’m willing to bet a Mars bar, or even more, that he’ll be fit for Wales’ next international, then sidelined by injury for the next club fixture. The news about Dyer is of course even more dire, and, sad to say it, his career with us may be over before it has begun.
But however thin the current squad is on real quality I think the key factor is attitude and approach. We seem to have three main groups in the West Ham squad – The quality players, (Green, Upson, Ferdinand, Faubert, Parker, Noble, Ashton, Bellamy) the tryers (Cole, McCartney, Etherington, Sears, Tomkins, Reid) and the hopeless (Spector, Mullins, LBM, Bowyer). Over time Sears and Tomkins hopefully will move to the “quality” group. I’ve left out Lucas Neill who is in his own sub-group - QBCBA (Quality – But Can’t Be Arsed), and Behrami who I haven’t seen yet. Consistency, hunger to succeed, and high levels of fitness from our quality players, plus 100 per cent honest endeavour and positivity from the tryers can cover up the inadequacy of the hopeless and take us further than you can imagine.
Last season too many of our quality players under-performed, were frequently injured and unfit, and were stifled by a very defensive and conservative approach completely alien to West Ham’s footballing taditions. In our unexpected successes against big teams last season – Liverpool and Man U at home – we played with more freedom, and the quality players and the tryers managed to over-compensate for the total inadequates on the field.
I know some will say, “But where is the positivity and hunger going to come from, with Lucas in charge on the field and Curbs in charge off it?” Absolutely true. Unless Lucas Neill has a big change in attitude or one of the other quality players is handed the captaincy, and unless the players themselves resolve to play with freedom, commitment and fire for 90 minutes, despite Curbishley’s Charlton-style tactics, then we’re going to get found out. And we’ll be found out by some pretty small teams – like Wigwam on day one. Let’s hope I’m mistaken.
But speaking of pure quality, the Villareal friendly was held in honour of Bobby Moore on the 50th anniversary of his debut. And when I think about the dignity, style and skill with which Bobby led West Ham for so many years, and compare it with Lucas Neill’s lackadaisical attitude it makes me weep.
It was Bobby Moore who turned me onto West Ham in the first place. I loved the ‘66 world cup and that summer we moved from an area dominated by Spurs supporters (Palmers Green) to one dominated by West Ham (Leyton/Forest Gate). At the time I wasn’t committed to a particular club and quite liked Liverpool for some reason, but not long after we moved into our new flat and made friends with local kids they asked me and my brother to come to football with them at West Ham. I hadn’t been to a live football match before that, but was I ready! I was 8 years old and my heroes were Bobby Moore and Geoff Hurst.
Bobby Moore’s skill in walking the ball calmly out of chaos in the penalty area, week in, week out, was breathtaking and having done that he would often unleash an inch perfect 50-yard forward pass to set up an attack. He liked to come forward himself, too, and I saw him score a few goals, usually belters from direct free kicks 25 yards out.
He stood up to referees when necessary, not out of childishness but on principle when he thought he was right and they were wrong, and he always stole a few cheeky yards on free kicks. The referee would invariably pick up the ball and place it back a few yards but as he ran upfield again Bobby would push the ball forward behind the ref’s back and regain that advantage.
And he was not too up himself to sigh autographs and have that special bond with the youngest fans. I remember the day I got his autograph (and Geoff Hurst’s). Every Summer West Ham’s first team at football played a cricket game in Valentines Park, Ilford, against Ilford (amateur) Cricket Club. When West Ham were batting most of the team was lounging around in front of the pavilion drinking tea and you just went up to them and asked them for their autographs. They were really happy to sign and chat.
So Bobby Moore’s shirt – the number 6 – is now officially retired. But that doesn’t mean we have to put everything else from his era into retirement. His individual skill flourished in a team that was encouraged to play with flair and style and was totally committed to giving the fans what they wanted to see. His shirt is retired but let’s see his spirit return this year, starting this afternoon. Come On You Irons!!!
We’ve just come back from two weeks camping in Belgium and Luxembourg and during that time I managed to stay away from the computer completely and ignore all the crazy transfer speculation. Avoiding any internet cafes, I was concentrating on the things that matter – fresh air, beautiful scenery, sunsets, great beer and an endless supply of frites.
It was hard, though, trying to shut down totally on what might be happening at Upton Park. One night I even found myself dreaming about being at the ground and feeling startled and disturbed that I didn’t recognise a soul on the pitch. (Though, to be fair, I’ve seen several games where the players don’t seem to recognise each other either.) On the way back to England I succumbed and couldn’t resist buying an English newspaper and was amused to read: “Thatcher Booed at West Ham”. It sounds like plans for the state funeral are proceeding apace, and down at Upton Park we’re already getting well in the mood!
It brought to my mind the joke about the guy, back in the 1980s, sentenced to death but given a last request.
He said “I’d really like it if my ashes could be placed next to Maggie Thatcher’s ashes.”
“But she’s not dead yet” came the reply.
“It’s OK,” he said, “I can wait…”
Well I’m certainly in the mood for the new season, trying my best to shake off every ounce of negativity from last year with as much vigour as Deano is trying to shed those pounds. What a crap season that was. It was all over by January and I reckon I saw three good games the whole year. I felt like I was walking around with “MUG” tattooed on my forehead the day I renewed my season ticket…but hey, that’s what makes us West Ham!
This year, I really want to believe that we are going to move forward, we’ll see some great attacking football at Upton Park, go as far as we can in the cups and push for a European place. And along the way, a new crop of youngsters will emerge at the heart of the team. Interesting that what little transfer activity we have been involved in has seen three youngsters come in – Behrami, Eyjolfsson and Bajner whose combined ages don’t add up to much more than mine. If this signals a desire to buy young and build for the future rather than buy over the hill and build for the past – then good. Let’s have more of it. But the news that we are even considering Ben Thatcher suggests that this new progressive mindset has not been firmly established yet.
I once read that (Ben) Thatcher suffers from Tourette’s Syndrome and can’t help shouting out all kinds of expletives. In his Wimbledon days he apparently turned down a potential appearance on a children’s TV programme because of this disability. Tourettes is still a mystery to the medical profession. Fucking tossers! But the strange thing is that when I read we were giving Thatcher a trial I let out an uncontrolled stream of expletives too. It really is that contagious.
Of the coming and goings through Upton Park’s revolving door I’m genuinely saddened to see Bobby Z and John Paintsil go - to Fulham. I’m not at all sorry to see the fabulously wealthy and fabulously lazy Freddie swanning off. But it sounds like the club got the worst of all worlds – he hardly played any games and we have had to pay shedloads of cash to end his contract and take him off the weekly wage bill.
What worries me, though, are those that are still the wrong side of that revolving door – especially Rigor Mortis, Muggins and Lee Bonehead. And what irks me are the ones that got away. We’ve been linked in the past with Nick Shorey, Steve Sidwell and Luke Young and now they’ve all been snapped up by the other claret and blue – Aston Villa. Dave Kitson’s been nabbed by Stoke, Paschal Chimbonda by Sunderland and Luke Moore by West Brom. These are not top-notch players and the amounts they moved for were not huge, but they are a damn sight better than the deadwood we are still hanging on to. Even grabbing a couple of them would have strengthened our squad considerably.
At least the Fixture Fairy has been kind to us. Several of the first few games look winnable even without the players we missed out on and even with the injury problems we are still carrying. Not surprisingly Bellamy will miss those first few games. Call me cynical but I’m willing to bet a Mars bar, or even more, that he’ll be fit for Wales’ next international, then sidelined by injury for the next club fixture. The news about Dyer is of course even more dire, and, sad to say it, his career with us may be over before it has begun.
But however thin the current squad is on real quality I think the key factor is attitude and approach. We seem to have three main groups in the West Ham squad – The quality players, (Green, Upson, Ferdinand, Faubert, Parker, Noble, Ashton, Bellamy) the tryers (Cole, McCartney, Etherington, Sears, Tomkins, Reid) and the hopeless (Spector, Mullins, LBM, Bowyer). Over time Sears and Tomkins hopefully will move to the “quality” group. I’ve left out Lucas Neill who is in his own sub-group - QBCBA (Quality – But Can’t Be Arsed), and Behrami who I haven’t seen yet. Consistency, hunger to succeed, and high levels of fitness from our quality players, plus 100 per cent honest endeavour and positivity from the tryers can cover up the inadequacy of the hopeless and take us further than you can imagine.
Last season too many of our quality players under-performed, were frequently injured and unfit, and were stifled by a very defensive and conservative approach completely alien to West Ham’s footballing taditions. In our unexpected successes against big teams last season – Liverpool and Man U at home – we played with more freedom, and the quality players and the tryers managed to over-compensate for the total inadequates on the field.
I know some will say, “But where is the positivity and hunger going to come from, with Lucas in charge on the field and Curbs in charge off it?” Absolutely true. Unless Lucas Neill has a big change in attitude or one of the other quality players is handed the captaincy, and unless the players themselves resolve to play with freedom, commitment and fire for 90 minutes, despite Curbishley’s Charlton-style tactics, then we’re going to get found out. And we’ll be found out by some pretty small teams – like Wigwam on day one. Let’s hope I’m mistaken.
But speaking of pure quality, the Villareal friendly was held in honour of Bobby Moore on the 50th anniversary of his debut. And when I think about the dignity, style and skill with which Bobby led West Ham for so many years, and compare it with Lucas Neill’s lackadaisical attitude it makes me weep.
It was Bobby Moore who turned me onto West Ham in the first place. I loved the ‘66 world cup and that summer we moved from an area dominated by Spurs supporters (Palmers Green) to one dominated by West Ham (Leyton/Forest Gate). At the time I wasn’t committed to a particular club and quite liked Liverpool for some reason, but not long after we moved into our new flat and made friends with local kids they asked me and my brother to come to football with them at West Ham. I hadn’t been to a live football match before that, but was I ready! I was 8 years old and my heroes were Bobby Moore and Geoff Hurst.
Bobby Moore’s skill in walking the ball calmly out of chaos in the penalty area, week in, week out, was breathtaking and having done that he would often unleash an inch perfect 50-yard forward pass to set up an attack. He liked to come forward himself, too, and I saw him score a few goals, usually belters from direct free kicks 25 yards out.
He stood up to referees when necessary, not out of childishness but on principle when he thought he was right and they were wrong, and he always stole a few cheeky yards on free kicks. The referee would invariably pick up the ball and place it back a few yards but as he ran upfield again Bobby would push the ball forward behind the ref’s back and regain that advantage.
And he was not too up himself to sigh autographs and have that special bond with the youngest fans. I remember the day I got his autograph (and Geoff Hurst’s). Every Summer West Ham’s first team at football played a cricket game in Valentines Park, Ilford, against Ilford (amateur) Cricket Club. When West Ham were batting most of the team was lounging around in front of the pavilion drinking tea and you just went up to them and asked them for their autographs. They were really happy to sign and chat.
So Bobby Moore’s shirt – the number 6 – is now officially retired. But that doesn’t mean we have to put everything else from his era into retirement. His individual skill flourished in a team that was encouraged to play with flair and style and was totally committed to giving the fans what they wanted to see. His shirt is retired but let’s see his spirit return this year, starting this afternoon. Come On You Irons!!!
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