OLAS 461 Sunday 24th May 2009
So we are staying put in East London. No European adventures for us. And while it would have been brilliant to have pipped the Spuds, after looking down on them for most of the season, and it would have been valuable experience particularly for our younger players, in truth our team is probably not quite ready yet. That doesn’t mean that there’s nothing to play for today though. (God, that was a good double negative – maybe even better if I wrote ‘not that it doesn’t mean there’s nothing…). Because today we have the opportunity to exact revenge on the team that dumped us out of the F A Cup, after such a promising start to the competition.
I was convinced that we could go all the way to Wem-ber-ley. When we swept past Barnsley and Hartlepool back in January we looked an excellent outsider bet to get to the Cup Final. Zola remembered the excitement of playing in the FA Cup well enough to fire up the players for it in advance – but, when it came to what we did on the pitch, we misfired against Middlesborough and they deserved to put us out. Today, though, we hold a much bigger punishment over them. We are all that stands between them and a 12-month visit to the “Championship” league. Now there’s a misnomer for you! Let’s call a spade a spade and recast that sentence: “We are all that stands between them and a 12 month visit to the crappy, crappy, crap league for crappy, crappy, crap teams” – we should know. After all, it wasn’t so long ago that we were down there ourselves in the crap.
And even if Middlesborough beat us today they will depend for their survival on Hull losing heavily to the newly crowned champions just a few days before Manure play in the Champions League final. I can’t see Manure playing their best players or going in hard for every 50-50 ball, and if Hull keep their shape I think a draw is on the cards there or a narrow defeat for the Tigers. Boro must also rely on their rather unpredictable neighbours in Newcastle to get nothing out of their game against Villa too. And just to emphasise what a cheerful place the North East is – Sunderland’s defeat at Portsmouth means they are not safe yet either. Hard times for Geordies indeed.
Here at Upton Park, with 6 weeks to go, it was great (and an unusual experience) to be playing the fag end of the season with a realistic chance of getting a European place rather than scrambling to escape relegation or going through the motions having achieved a safe place in mid-table-no-man’s-land. A combination of severe injuries to the wrong players, poor refereeing and some piss-poor performances by those without injuries (especially Di Michele and Kojak - his unbelievable goal at Everton notwithstanding) have ended that Euro dream. But the chance to send Middlesborough down is a terrific incentive for a stirring final day performance.
I don’t exactly hate them, but of the three North Eastern teams fighting relegation Boro are the ones I care for least. Both Newcastle and Sunderland seem to have really passionate fans – I can’t understand a fucking word they say, but I acknowledge they are passionate about their team and, like us, when we have gone through bad patches, they are still well capable of filling their stadium with fans that forgive them and adore them.
I suppose I’ve got a soft spot for Newcastle because they featured in the first game I came to at Upton Park in November 1966. We won 3-0 – but Newcastle played their part in an open attacking game. So for historical and nostalgic reasons, when we play Newcastle it reminds me that we’re in the right league.
Sunderland have of course been much more of a yo-yo side but again I have great memories of games against them. In that first season I came to Upton Park I saw Geoff Hurst nod in an injury time equaliser from an impossible angle. After that 2-2 game I never felt able to leave before the final whistle whatever pile of shit was being served up at our “football academy”. And, a couple of years later, Sunderland were the victims in the biggest slaughter I have ever seen on a football pitch when we demolished them 8-0. They were 4 down at half time but they didn’t stop playing football. Somewhere back in the mists of that time we also went 1-0 down away to Sunderland but responded with five goals in a 15-minute period of the second half.
So I still cherish the chance to play Sunderland or Newcastle but Boro can shove off. I won’t miss them.
I used to live with a Geordie when I was a student. My impressions of a Geordie accent were generally acknowledged by the rest of the household to be far better than his attempts of a London accent, which had him sounding like Dick Van Dyck in Mary Poppins, or more often just sounding like a dick. When my friend Mick got stressed he used to put his jacket on and announce: “Um gan dooner rood coz me heeds bostin” which looks rather Icelandic but translates from Geordie to: “I’m going down the road because my head’s bursting”
And speaking of Icelandic, it looks like their days as West Ham’s owners are fast disappearing. Who owns the club next is anybody’s guess, but they would be well advised not to interfere with the team management set up. The Steve and Franco combination is one that has already made many changes for the better, not least is that we go forwards rather than backwards with the ball most of the time now. Franco has restored some dignity to the club which rightly took a battering. I admire his positivity, and with proper backing he and Steve Clarke can bring both excitement and success.
The most dedicated fans who have followed the Hammers round the country have tasted the most excitement and success most this season. The 4-1 win at Portsmouth, and the draws at Chelsea and Liverpool were more memorable than our inconsistent home performances. Our victory at Upton park over man City was memorable for rubbing Bellamy’s nose in it and the first 80 minutes against Everton with Collison’s outstanding goal was fantastic, but then we collapsed. The only game at home where we really won comfortably, playing sparkling football, and created enough chances to double or treble or score was against Hull City. Only the woodwork and their excellent goalkeeper kept the score down
Their challenge for the summer will be to unload the deadwood, hold on to our key players, ensure the walking wounded are back to full fitness for August and bring in at least 3 additions to the squad. I’m pessimistic about holding on to both Greeny and Upson and if one of them had to go to help bring in new players, it would be Mattie for me. Tomkins and Collins can make a fine central partnership.
Holding on to Tomkins, Collisson and Noble is the priority. Along with Savio, Junior Stan and Behrami we have six young players whose enthusiasm hasn’t been dented yet and are determined to make their mark. It is up to the club to ensure that they do it in the claret and blue (and that doesn’t mean Aston Villa).
I would like to believe that Ashton can return to full fitness and become the great player he was originally looked destined to be. And listen Deano, I returned to Tuesday night football this week, after a long layoff with injuries but I also managed to lose a stone and a half to prepare for coming back. If I can do it at 51 years old, you ought to be able to, you great tub of lard.
If we don’t hang on to Lucas Neill that is no disaster, though he has actually been one of our more consistent performers this year – and I don’t mean consistently shite, quite the opposite. But to me he doesn’t play a captain’s role and I would like to see Scott Parker take on that leadership role.
If the club are serious about pushing on they will have to strengthen the squad in all the key areas. We are crying out for a striker with physical presence and pace who is a natural goalscorer and whose name isn’t Tristan, to give us serious options in addition to Ashton and Cole. And if Nani hasn’t scouted one on the continent yet, we may find one here among the teams that are relegated or finished low, who would want to be at a club that can push for a European place.
Equally we desperately need a tricky and creative midfielder/winger. Savio is undoubtedly one in the making but we also need one who is ready now. And at right back, as a replacement for Lucas sooner or later, we need a tough tackling player who can stay in position and drive the team forward.
That’s what we have to do in the next few weeks – but today we want a home performance to remember and we want to see the looks on the faces of the tossers who dumped us out of the cup. Hope all my fellow scribblers have a good summer, and thanks, Gary, for giving us the space to unload our truly random thoughts. COYI!!!!
Sunday, 24 May 2009
Saturday, 9 May 2009
None shall escape the judgement
OLAS 460 9th May 2009
Diego Tristan – way past his sell-by date, less mobility than a statue or a corpse, a complete waste of space; Lucas Neill – slow as a snail, constantly out of position and obviously only here for the cash; Luis Boa Morte, a clown, a brainless goof, doesn’t know his arse from his el-boa…Well if I got it right all the time I would only get smug and I’m sure you discerning OLAS readers wouldn’t want your writers getting all smug, would you?
The great Irish writer James Joyce reckoned that “a man’s errors are his portals of discovery”, and I like to think that my portals are in fine fettle and that generally I can make the same claim that the late John Peel made, when he said, “I never make stupid mistakes, only very, very clever ones.”
it looks like I’ve got to ‘fess up to being far too hasty making some harsh judgements earlier this year. It has taken a while but Tristan’s goal against Stoke and his performance in general gave more than a hint as to why Zola has been willing to place faith in him. It could be argued that both his first two goals for the club were merely accidental collisions between his body and the ball, just random phenomena of time and space, but his free kick at Stoke was a marvellous piece of execution by someone who you sense could once do that kind of trick on a regular basis – and could do so again.
If that goal restores his confidence and self-belief and motivates him to increase his work-rate as he seeks to get his contract extended, then it couldn’t have come at a better time. And the same goes for our other two current heroes that I’ve been running down, with abuse and harsh words over the season. LBM is probably in the best spell of form for us that he has enjoyed since he got here on the back of an expensive foray into the transfer kitty that rarely ever looked remotely justified. In the last few games he’s been winning crucial tackles without murdering or stamping on his opponents, he has been driving forward in style, going past players, and placing accurate passes that motivate attacks. And Lucas Neill has been marshalling the defence, sweeping up in a defensive midfield position when required as well as helping to launch attacks with long cross field passes. Small wonder that in the last 9 league games we’ve only conceded four goals.
Some of the credit for that defensive record must also be given to James Tomkins who is growing in stature every game (in a metaphorical sense of course – the geezer started off about 9 foot tall already). Having Mattie Upson steady as a rock beside him, and Greenie in terrific form behind him, obviously helps. But with Lucas playing his best too and Ilunga enjoying his game, you’ve got to feel that we have a chance of remaining unbeaten and picking up points in all our three remaining games, starting with what must be on paper the toughest one, when we pit our wits against Liverpool today.
Facing Chelsea we were completely outclassed and spent much of the game elusively chasing the ball, knowing that every time we won it, one stray pass and we might not touch it for another five minutes. Yet we kept our shape, and our solidity at the back ensured that most of Chelsea’s opportunities were from a distance. We were never out of the game, even after conceding, and in contrast to their attempts mainly from outside the box, we actually had the clearer chances. If just one of them, including a penalty, had been put away, we could have come out with an unlikely point. And that was despite ending the game with half the team under 21 years of age and some of them barely out of school.
Today, I expect more of the same – Liverpool will outclass us, they will dominate, but we have to match them for effort, keep our shape and expose their defensive frailties. If one player can score four goals against them in one game imagine what a whole team could do! We won’t get anywhere today by being too clever and patient in our build up, it is the quick incisive pass, the clever dummy run that pulls defenders out of position, the first time effort…that could undo Liverpool today.
Let’s hope Savio has recovered – he had to pull out of the squad against Stoke, but it’s his quick thinking we need, or Keiron Dyer’s, or Junior Stan-man’s, to make an impact on Liverpool’s rearguard.
When Tom Jones sang “It’s not unusual” he probably did not have in mind “for West Ham to be desperately seeking points at this stage of the season”. It doesn’t even scan, but let’s imagine he did. How many times have we gone into the last few games needing points for survival? But here we are, this year, seeking those end of season points to propel us back into European football. it’s hard to believe and, under Curbishley, it would have been as unlikely as me growing an extra leg.
It’s a big ask given the resources of at least two of the three clubs that are competing with us, but I have to admit I’ll feel a bit disappointed now if we don’t do it, especially as two of them – Citeh and Spuds – have to play each other, and hopefully will reach a stalemate from which we can benefit. Citeh also have to face their local neighbours who want to hold on to the title and take revenge for recent defeats at the hands of Citeh. Whatever happens today I fancy us to get at least four if not five or 6 points from these last three games. Some pundits believe four will be sufficient. I’m not so sure. Of the four competing teams I still have a sneaking feeling that Fulham will grab it, but since we go into those last thee games one point ahead of the chasing pack, it is at least on our own hands.
Whatever the final outcome we’ve got to acknowledge that our little Italian and his dour Scottish assistant have done a fantastic job here against the odds. Protecting the players from all the shenanigans going on about Tevezgate and the Icelandic aspect of the global banking crisis, instilling them with a team ethos and self-belief, and the resilience to pick themselves up after setbacks, bringing out the best from players who had been coasting, not letting injuries become any kind of excuse a la Redflap and his bare bones, shipping Lee Bowyer far away, and showing faith in the mental maturity of youth players…that is why we’re heading for exciting times.
And so am I over the next few days. Yes, I’m excited about playing Liverpool this afternoon but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m looking forward even more to Monday when I’m heading south of the river to see the Specials at Brixton Academy. I always loved their music and saw a lot of their contemporaries – the Beat, the Selecter, Elvis Costello, the Jam, the Clash, but never saw The Specials playing live. In recent years I’ve seen some of the individuals from the Specials – Roddy Radiation, Neville Staples but not all together – so I can’t wait, especially for that song for that Rude Boy, Louis Boa Morte: “Stop your messing around, better think of your future, time you straighten right out, creating problems in town…”
Let’s hope that the result is a bit special today too. COYI!!!!
Diego Tristan – way past his sell-by date, less mobility than a statue or a corpse, a complete waste of space; Lucas Neill – slow as a snail, constantly out of position and obviously only here for the cash; Luis Boa Morte, a clown, a brainless goof, doesn’t know his arse from his el-boa…Well if I got it right all the time I would only get smug and I’m sure you discerning OLAS readers wouldn’t want your writers getting all smug, would you?
The great Irish writer James Joyce reckoned that “a man’s errors are his portals of discovery”, and I like to think that my portals are in fine fettle and that generally I can make the same claim that the late John Peel made, when he said, “I never make stupid mistakes, only very, very clever ones.”
it looks like I’ve got to ‘fess up to being far too hasty making some harsh judgements earlier this year. It has taken a while but Tristan’s goal against Stoke and his performance in general gave more than a hint as to why Zola has been willing to place faith in him. It could be argued that both his first two goals for the club were merely accidental collisions between his body and the ball, just random phenomena of time and space, but his free kick at Stoke was a marvellous piece of execution by someone who you sense could once do that kind of trick on a regular basis – and could do so again.
If that goal restores his confidence and self-belief and motivates him to increase his work-rate as he seeks to get his contract extended, then it couldn’t have come at a better time. And the same goes for our other two current heroes that I’ve been running down, with abuse and harsh words over the season. LBM is probably in the best spell of form for us that he has enjoyed since he got here on the back of an expensive foray into the transfer kitty that rarely ever looked remotely justified. In the last few games he’s been winning crucial tackles without murdering or stamping on his opponents, he has been driving forward in style, going past players, and placing accurate passes that motivate attacks. And Lucas Neill has been marshalling the defence, sweeping up in a defensive midfield position when required as well as helping to launch attacks with long cross field passes. Small wonder that in the last 9 league games we’ve only conceded four goals.
Some of the credit for that defensive record must also be given to James Tomkins who is growing in stature every game (in a metaphorical sense of course – the geezer started off about 9 foot tall already). Having Mattie Upson steady as a rock beside him, and Greenie in terrific form behind him, obviously helps. But with Lucas playing his best too and Ilunga enjoying his game, you’ve got to feel that we have a chance of remaining unbeaten and picking up points in all our three remaining games, starting with what must be on paper the toughest one, when we pit our wits against Liverpool today.
Facing Chelsea we were completely outclassed and spent much of the game elusively chasing the ball, knowing that every time we won it, one stray pass and we might not touch it for another five minutes. Yet we kept our shape, and our solidity at the back ensured that most of Chelsea’s opportunities were from a distance. We were never out of the game, even after conceding, and in contrast to their attempts mainly from outside the box, we actually had the clearer chances. If just one of them, including a penalty, had been put away, we could have come out with an unlikely point. And that was despite ending the game with half the team under 21 years of age and some of them barely out of school.
Today, I expect more of the same – Liverpool will outclass us, they will dominate, but we have to match them for effort, keep our shape and expose their defensive frailties. If one player can score four goals against them in one game imagine what a whole team could do! We won’t get anywhere today by being too clever and patient in our build up, it is the quick incisive pass, the clever dummy run that pulls defenders out of position, the first time effort…that could undo Liverpool today.
Let’s hope Savio has recovered – he had to pull out of the squad against Stoke, but it’s his quick thinking we need, or Keiron Dyer’s, or Junior Stan-man’s, to make an impact on Liverpool’s rearguard.
When Tom Jones sang “It’s not unusual” he probably did not have in mind “for West Ham to be desperately seeking points at this stage of the season”. It doesn’t even scan, but let’s imagine he did. How many times have we gone into the last few games needing points for survival? But here we are, this year, seeking those end of season points to propel us back into European football. it’s hard to believe and, under Curbishley, it would have been as unlikely as me growing an extra leg.
It’s a big ask given the resources of at least two of the three clubs that are competing with us, but I have to admit I’ll feel a bit disappointed now if we don’t do it, especially as two of them – Citeh and Spuds – have to play each other, and hopefully will reach a stalemate from which we can benefit. Citeh also have to face their local neighbours who want to hold on to the title and take revenge for recent defeats at the hands of Citeh. Whatever happens today I fancy us to get at least four if not five or 6 points from these last three games. Some pundits believe four will be sufficient. I’m not so sure. Of the four competing teams I still have a sneaking feeling that Fulham will grab it, but since we go into those last thee games one point ahead of the chasing pack, it is at least on our own hands.
Whatever the final outcome we’ve got to acknowledge that our little Italian and his dour Scottish assistant have done a fantastic job here against the odds. Protecting the players from all the shenanigans going on about Tevezgate and the Icelandic aspect of the global banking crisis, instilling them with a team ethos and self-belief, and the resilience to pick themselves up after setbacks, bringing out the best from players who had been coasting, not letting injuries become any kind of excuse a la Redflap and his bare bones, shipping Lee Bowyer far away, and showing faith in the mental maturity of youth players…that is why we’re heading for exciting times.
And so am I over the next few days. Yes, I’m excited about playing Liverpool this afternoon but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m looking forward even more to Monday when I’m heading south of the river to see the Specials at Brixton Academy. I always loved their music and saw a lot of their contemporaries – the Beat, the Selecter, Elvis Costello, the Jam, the Clash, but never saw The Specials playing live. In recent years I’ve seen some of the individuals from the Specials – Roddy Radiation, Neville Staples but not all together – so I can’t wait, especially for that song for that Rude Boy, Louis Boa Morte: “Stop your messing around, better think of your future, time you straighten right out, creating problems in town…”
Let’s hope that the result is a bit special today too. COYI!!!!
Saturday, 2 May 2009
The other Franco
OLAS 459, April 24th 2009
I bumped into my neighbour Dave last Sunday, who threw me a googly a couple of hours before Arsenal and Chelsea were due to lock horns in the semi final of the FA Cup. Dave is a Spurs fan and he knows I’m West Ham, so he says to me: “Who do you want to lose today – Arsenal or Chelsea? I’m finding it tough myself.” Well, what do you do in a situation in which there is no lesser evil? A bit like who would you rather eat a pizza with – George Bush or Prince Philip? I was a bit thrown. “How long have you got?” I asked him.
Dave admitted that in the end he wanted Chelsea to lose – breaking the habit of a lifetime of always wanting Arsenal to lose, whoever their opponents were, and even if they were playing tiddlywinks. Ultimately, I took the opposite stand – I wanted Arsenal to lose, but for the best and most pure and humane motives - not out of pure hatred - just a tactical assessment for West Ham. It’s bad enough facing Chelsea today with half our reserve and under-11 team. Even worse if they come here smarting from defeat in the cup semis. Well thanks to Fabianski having a moment of madness, running to the edge of the area like the greyhounds who used to chase the rabbit at Walthamstow, and leaving Drogba a simple chance, Chelsea come here relaxed and happy and not smarting in the least. Just how we like them.
And while we are on the FA Cup, all power to Everton for dumping Man U’s spotty, super-annuated arseholes out of the tournament. OK Everton are a top club themselves now, but it was still a victory for the underdog over the rich and powerful, a win against the odds for those below stairs over the arrogant aristocracy.
Back in our mini league for seventh place, it’s all hotting up and you can feel the perspiration. We did ourselves a massive favour last outing at Upton Park with a deserved victory over Sunderland who strangely find themselves as the Geordie pacemakers these days. Neither side were in inspiring form but the hunger and commitment of our youth players – especially Tomkins and Junior Stan who bagged the goals – made the difference. The icing on the cake was Spurs going down at Blackburn, (at not on) which meant we could face what was bound to be a tough trip to Shite Hart Lane with a healthy six-point gap between us. Now Harry Redflap always used to complain about being “down to the bare bones” but here, our bare bones were down to their whatever bare bones get down to.
With no expectation of us getting even a point there, and knowing that in the general course of my existence I was bound to bump into some Spurs fans among my friends soon, I was glad that this game coincided with a short break we had arranged to Barcelona. It’s a terrific place.
One of the nicest things about going away is that opportunity to get away from some of the stupid and petty attitudes you encounter at home. The only trouble is that, if you’re unlucky, you might meet them on the way. So we’re in the queue at airline security at Heathrow – the bit where they make you take your belt off, empty your pockets, dispose of dangerous bottles of drinking water, which might harbour small amphibious terrorists, and take your shoes off to submit them to careful examination. They may be examining your sole, but it feels like these bastards are interrogating your soul. Anyway, while we are waiting, we get chatting to the family in front of us. He’s got a Welsh accent and he asks us where we’re from. When we say “London”, he comments “We used to live in London but (turning to his dopey looking cross-eyed kid), Jack would have had to learn English as a second language, to Urdu or something. So we moved to Northampton.” Effectively their response to multicultural London was Jack-off. The conversation ended there. I made a mental note to avoid Northampton, although I did remember that the nickname they gave the local football team many moons ago was “Cobblers”. How very prescient.
Barcelona is a very chilled-out place – fantastic and weird architecture, good cafes, great art – and very easy to get around. They have a tube system that even tells you where you are going and how long till the next stop. None of those announcements that, “due to planned engineering works this weekend there is no service on the Northern, Victoria, Pickled-willy, District, Circle, Hammersmith and City, Victoria or Central lines – on all other lines there is a good service.”
In Barcelona people are football-mad, and with good reason, as they have a fantastic team that will always be competing to win whatever silverware is up for grabs. My respect for them increased when I delved a little bit into their social and political history. Barcelona are the team that General Franco hated –the club’s president was murdered by Franco’s forces in 1937 and a fascist bomb was dropped on the club’s offices in 1938. Their great rivals, Real Madrid, were Franco’s team of choice – and Barcelona, the city, was a centre of resistance. In the Gothic Quarter the results of fascist bombardment and bullets have been preserved as a historical reminder.
I like Barcelona’s attitude to shirt sponsorship too – resisting countless attempts by big ugly corporations to celebrate their exploitative practices by having their names plastered all over their shirts. When they did finally accept a sponsor, it was UNICEF – the UN body working to support children’s rights across the world, especially in the most disadvantaged settings – including of course the right to play. While I was visiting I bought a shirt with Barca’s third colours - two shades of turquoise – that are not far from our own sky blue.
I don’t normally like shopping but in Barcelona it feels more like a pleasure. We were walking down one of the city’s main shopping streets when we come to a window with lots of Adidas football gear. The carefully understated slogan printed on the window stopped me in my tracks: “impossible is nothing”. It got me thinking about how we could turn round some of our football slogans and songs. We could bellow at the visiting fans: “an ambulance – your going home in” or the referee: “what you’re doing – you don’t know” – or even to ourselves “Blowing bubbles – I’m forever,” while 200 miles from London now doubt they’ll be singing “Alone – You’ll never walk.” Not sure they will catch on though.
An unlikely draw up at Villa, with an even unlikelier goal by Tristan – who never seems to move unless he really has to – sets us up nicely for today’s big East-West encounter. Chelsea haven’t given up on the championship and will rightly expect to blow us over. Even their defenders probably have more nous up front than our two fading stars in the sunset of their careers. Making a virtue of necessity, Zola has put a lot of faith in the youth to give us energy, inventiveness and improvisation. Junior Stan is relishing his opportunity and Mark Noble’s returning to better form each game. I hope today Zola will give Freddie Sears an opportunity from the start to show that he’s worth a run too as first choice till Cole gets up again from hibernation. One of our best performances this year was at Stamford Bridge where we frustrated Chelsea, hit them on the break and came within a whisker of winning it at the end. My head says we will lose by three goals but my heart tells me it will be so much closer than that. And, as they say in Barcelona: “lo imposible nada es” - “Impossible is nothing”.
I bumped into my neighbour Dave last Sunday, who threw me a googly a couple of hours before Arsenal and Chelsea were due to lock horns in the semi final of the FA Cup. Dave is a Spurs fan and he knows I’m West Ham, so he says to me: “Who do you want to lose today – Arsenal or Chelsea? I’m finding it tough myself.” Well, what do you do in a situation in which there is no lesser evil? A bit like who would you rather eat a pizza with – George Bush or Prince Philip? I was a bit thrown. “How long have you got?” I asked him.
Dave admitted that in the end he wanted Chelsea to lose – breaking the habit of a lifetime of always wanting Arsenal to lose, whoever their opponents were, and even if they were playing tiddlywinks. Ultimately, I took the opposite stand – I wanted Arsenal to lose, but for the best and most pure and humane motives - not out of pure hatred - just a tactical assessment for West Ham. It’s bad enough facing Chelsea today with half our reserve and under-11 team. Even worse if they come here smarting from defeat in the cup semis. Well thanks to Fabianski having a moment of madness, running to the edge of the area like the greyhounds who used to chase the rabbit at Walthamstow, and leaving Drogba a simple chance, Chelsea come here relaxed and happy and not smarting in the least. Just how we like them.
And while we are on the FA Cup, all power to Everton for dumping Man U’s spotty, super-annuated arseholes out of the tournament. OK Everton are a top club themselves now, but it was still a victory for the underdog over the rich and powerful, a win against the odds for those below stairs over the arrogant aristocracy.
Back in our mini league for seventh place, it’s all hotting up and you can feel the perspiration. We did ourselves a massive favour last outing at Upton Park with a deserved victory over Sunderland who strangely find themselves as the Geordie pacemakers these days. Neither side were in inspiring form but the hunger and commitment of our youth players – especially Tomkins and Junior Stan who bagged the goals – made the difference. The icing on the cake was Spurs going down at Blackburn, (at not on) which meant we could face what was bound to be a tough trip to Shite Hart Lane with a healthy six-point gap between us. Now Harry Redflap always used to complain about being “down to the bare bones” but here, our bare bones were down to their whatever bare bones get down to.
With no expectation of us getting even a point there, and knowing that in the general course of my existence I was bound to bump into some Spurs fans among my friends soon, I was glad that this game coincided with a short break we had arranged to Barcelona. It’s a terrific place.
One of the nicest things about going away is that opportunity to get away from some of the stupid and petty attitudes you encounter at home. The only trouble is that, if you’re unlucky, you might meet them on the way. So we’re in the queue at airline security at Heathrow – the bit where they make you take your belt off, empty your pockets, dispose of dangerous bottles of drinking water, which might harbour small amphibious terrorists, and take your shoes off to submit them to careful examination. They may be examining your sole, but it feels like these bastards are interrogating your soul. Anyway, while we are waiting, we get chatting to the family in front of us. He’s got a Welsh accent and he asks us where we’re from. When we say “London”, he comments “We used to live in London but (turning to his dopey looking cross-eyed kid), Jack would have had to learn English as a second language, to Urdu or something. So we moved to Northampton.” Effectively their response to multicultural London was Jack-off. The conversation ended there. I made a mental note to avoid Northampton, although I did remember that the nickname they gave the local football team many moons ago was “Cobblers”. How very prescient.
Barcelona is a very chilled-out place – fantastic and weird architecture, good cafes, great art – and very easy to get around. They have a tube system that even tells you where you are going and how long till the next stop. None of those announcements that, “due to planned engineering works this weekend there is no service on the Northern, Victoria, Pickled-willy, District, Circle, Hammersmith and City, Victoria or Central lines – on all other lines there is a good service.”
In Barcelona people are football-mad, and with good reason, as they have a fantastic team that will always be competing to win whatever silverware is up for grabs. My respect for them increased when I delved a little bit into their social and political history. Barcelona are the team that General Franco hated –the club’s president was murdered by Franco’s forces in 1937 and a fascist bomb was dropped on the club’s offices in 1938. Their great rivals, Real Madrid, were Franco’s team of choice – and Barcelona, the city, was a centre of resistance. In the Gothic Quarter the results of fascist bombardment and bullets have been preserved as a historical reminder.
I like Barcelona’s attitude to shirt sponsorship too – resisting countless attempts by big ugly corporations to celebrate their exploitative practices by having their names plastered all over their shirts. When they did finally accept a sponsor, it was UNICEF – the UN body working to support children’s rights across the world, especially in the most disadvantaged settings – including of course the right to play. While I was visiting I bought a shirt with Barca’s third colours - two shades of turquoise – that are not far from our own sky blue.
I don’t normally like shopping but in Barcelona it feels more like a pleasure. We were walking down one of the city’s main shopping streets when we come to a window with lots of Adidas football gear. The carefully understated slogan printed on the window stopped me in my tracks: “impossible is nothing”. It got me thinking about how we could turn round some of our football slogans and songs. We could bellow at the visiting fans: “an ambulance – your going home in” or the referee: “what you’re doing – you don’t know” – or even to ourselves “Blowing bubbles – I’m forever,” while 200 miles from London now doubt they’ll be singing “Alone – You’ll never walk.” Not sure they will catch on though.
An unlikely draw up at Villa, with an even unlikelier goal by Tristan – who never seems to move unless he really has to – sets us up nicely for today’s big East-West encounter. Chelsea haven’t given up on the championship and will rightly expect to blow us over. Even their defenders probably have more nous up front than our two fading stars in the sunset of their careers. Making a virtue of necessity, Zola has put a lot of faith in the youth to give us energy, inventiveness and improvisation. Junior Stan is relishing his opportunity and Mark Noble’s returning to better form each game. I hope today Zola will give Freddie Sears an opportunity from the start to show that he’s worth a run too as first choice till Cole gets up again from hibernation. One of our best performances this year was at Stamford Bridge where we frustrated Chelsea, hit them on the break and came within a whisker of winning it at the end. My head says we will lose by three goals but my heart tells me it will be so much closer than that. And, as they say in Barcelona: “lo imposible nada es” - “Impossible is nothing”.
Saturday, 4 April 2009
Can you believe it?
OLAS 458 April 4th 2009
I thought April Fools Day had come early this year. In an idle moment, about 10 days ago, I logged onto the club’s official website and found an item announcing that season ticket prices have been reduced! I turned my computer off and then returned to the same page. This was not a misprint. The item was still there. No – this is a wind up, I was sure. Next they’ll be announcing pigs have been spotted flying over farms in Essex, that someone was caught smiling in Eastenders, or Peter Mandelson was caught telling the truth. Or some such completely unlikely scenario. But it is really the case. Next year on average I will be paying just £42.63p per 90 minute game at Upton Park instead of the outlandish £45 per game that those of us in the Band 1 seats have been paying this season. Generous or what? (or what? I think).
My cynicism as far as the West ham hierarchy is concerned does not wear off easily. My very next thought was: I bet that for the mugs who buy that pile of glossy advertising tosh known as the “official programme” they will hike the price up to £4 a throw, to recoup most of the money they might lose on reducing the seats revenue.
On the other hand, if this is a sign of a more caring, sharing management of the club, the first hints of a redistribution of the wealth that we put into the club – then bring it on, it’s well overdue, isn’t it? We’ve been lining the pockets of the directors for as long as I can remember.
I’m still immature enough to love April Fools Day and did a good one in my Year 2 class at school a few years back. As the kids and parents arrived, first thing in the morning, they found me sitting in my chair pointing to a notice I had written on the board next to me saying: “David has lost his voice today – please do what he asks you to when he writes on the board.” The kids and their parents were completely taken in. The parents’ reaction was a little bit disturbing since they are supposed to know stuff. Those who needed to tell me things or ask me questions, spoke to me very slowly and deliberately as if I’d lost my hearing, or my marbles, rather than my voice. I wrote down answers to their questions. They left, and the first hour of the school day was delightful as the kids followed a series of written instructions very quietly and seriously. I kept it up for an hour then suddenly asked a kid a question verbally and quite loudly. They were stunned…but not half as stunned as me seeing the club reduce its ticket prices.
There was a stupendous April Fools Day wind-up a couple of years ago on one of the West Ham fans’ websites. It was at the time when there was a lot of talk about moving to a new purpose built stadium (which has thankfully all gone a bit quiet lately).One poster on the website claimed that one of the club’s directors had stated that West Ham would definitely be selling Upton Park and leaving on a set date to get the best price, but would not be able to move into their new stadium straight away. However a temporary solution had been found which was to share with Millwall.
Enough muppets believed this to make it fantastically entertaining as dozens of emails full of bile and venom were posted in quick succession. Unfortunately someone spoiled the party by pointing out that this was April Fools Day.
As for playing the fool – well we had a whole team doing that against West Brom last time out at Upton Park. This was a full-blown return to Curbishleyist dullness with the ball, when touched by any West Ham player, only permitted to go horizontally or backwards. Granted we had serious injury problems but to play like this was an insult to the fans. My friend’s daughter took a couple of Russian exchange students with them to see this game and we tried to convince them that it wasn’t always like this, but to be honest I’m sure they would have agreed that it would have been more fun sitting in a Siberian salt mine than watching this pile of shite.
Fortunately we were only playing West Brom, so we could play crap and still get a point. The only bright spot of the night was Junior Stanislas making his debut. Crazy name but he definitely looks a bright prospect and I hope it gets more opportunities before the season is over.
The point at Blackburn was more creditable. They are fighting for their premiership lives at the moment while we still had a drastically depleted squad. Though it was a pity not to go on and win it after we were ahead. Lovely goal from Nobes after another sweeping passing movement, wasn’t it? That goal, and Carlton’s up at Wigan, must surely be our best-worked goals this year.
While we’ve been stuttering the teams immediately below us have pulled off some unlikely results which means that the battle for 7th place and European qualification has become much more competitive. At the moment we’ve been edged into 8th on goal difference by Wigan, but ought to pull ahead of them by the end of May. And despite Fulham getting a tremendous result against manure that would have gladdened the hearts of most people who hate the arrogant rich and the high and mighty, we ought to stay ahead of them too.
The more serious challenge will come from the traditional enemy - Spurs. Our away fixture there next weekend will be crucial. If we play for a draw we will lose but go for a win and we might do it – or at least gain a point keeping the gap between us. After the way Harry treated us earlier this season we don’t need any incentives, do we?
And so to Sunderland today. They have lifted themselves clear of the relegation pack but are not completely safe yet so their priority will be to not lose. We’ll have a chance to welcome back Anton and Heather and then hope they have an off day as our strike force may be a little depleted. The loss of Behrami and Collison has severely disrupted our ability to provide any drive and creativity from midfield but if Savio is fit again, maybe Dyer can get his – I was going to say “break”, but I better say “opportunity” – on the other flank, which should be good to watch and both should provide excellent service to whoever is able-bodied enough to play up-front – even the statuesque Tristan. Or, alternatively, Franco could play Savio as one of the front runners in the middle and bring Stanislas in to play on the left wing.
And if the Ginger Pele returns at the back that should give us more stability. Tomkins has been getting good reviews but I’m less convinced at the moment. He wins the ball very well in the air but panics when it falls to him on the ground and treats it like a hot potato.
So West Ham – what’s it to be today? April Fools, April showers? Or spring in our step? COYI!!!!
I thought April Fools Day had come early this year. In an idle moment, about 10 days ago, I logged onto the club’s official website and found an item announcing that season ticket prices have been reduced! I turned my computer off and then returned to the same page. This was not a misprint. The item was still there. No – this is a wind up, I was sure. Next they’ll be announcing pigs have been spotted flying over farms in Essex, that someone was caught smiling in Eastenders, or Peter Mandelson was caught telling the truth. Or some such completely unlikely scenario. But it is really the case. Next year on average I will be paying just £42.63p per 90 minute game at Upton Park instead of the outlandish £45 per game that those of us in the Band 1 seats have been paying this season. Generous or what? (or what? I think).
My cynicism as far as the West ham hierarchy is concerned does not wear off easily. My very next thought was: I bet that for the mugs who buy that pile of glossy advertising tosh known as the “official programme” they will hike the price up to £4 a throw, to recoup most of the money they might lose on reducing the seats revenue.
On the other hand, if this is a sign of a more caring, sharing management of the club, the first hints of a redistribution of the wealth that we put into the club – then bring it on, it’s well overdue, isn’t it? We’ve been lining the pockets of the directors for as long as I can remember.
I’m still immature enough to love April Fools Day and did a good one in my Year 2 class at school a few years back. As the kids and parents arrived, first thing in the morning, they found me sitting in my chair pointing to a notice I had written on the board next to me saying: “David has lost his voice today – please do what he asks you to when he writes on the board.” The kids and their parents were completely taken in. The parents’ reaction was a little bit disturbing since they are supposed to know stuff. Those who needed to tell me things or ask me questions, spoke to me very slowly and deliberately as if I’d lost my hearing, or my marbles, rather than my voice. I wrote down answers to their questions. They left, and the first hour of the school day was delightful as the kids followed a series of written instructions very quietly and seriously. I kept it up for an hour then suddenly asked a kid a question verbally and quite loudly. They were stunned…but not half as stunned as me seeing the club reduce its ticket prices.
There was a stupendous April Fools Day wind-up a couple of years ago on one of the West Ham fans’ websites. It was at the time when there was a lot of talk about moving to a new purpose built stadium (which has thankfully all gone a bit quiet lately).One poster on the website claimed that one of the club’s directors had stated that West Ham would definitely be selling Upton Park and leaving on a set date to get the best price, but would not be able to move into their new stadium straight away. However a temporary solution had been found which was to share with Millwall.
Enough muppets believed this to make it fantastically entertaining as dozens of emails full of bile and venom were posted in quick succession. Unfortunately someone spoiled the party by pointing out that this was April Fools Day.
As for playing the fool – well we had a whole team doing that against West Brom last time out at Upton Park. This was a full-blown return to Curbishleyist dullness with the ball, when touched by any West Ham player, only permitted to go horizontally or backwards. Granted we had serious injury problems but to play like this was an insult to the fans. My friend’s daughter took a couple of Russian exchange students with them to see this game and we tried to convince them that it wasn’t always like this, but to be honest I’m sure they would have agreed that it would have been more fun sitting in a Siberian salt mine than watching this pile of shite.
Fortunately we were only playing West Brom, so we could play crap and still get a point. The only bright spot of the night was Junior Stanislas making his debut. Crazy name but he definitely looks a bright prospect and I hope it gets more opportunities before the season is over.
The point at Blackburn was more creditable. They are fighting for their premiership lives at the moment while we still had a drastically depleted squad. Though it was a pity not to go on and win it after we were ahead. Lovely goal from Nobes after another sweeping passing movement, wasn’t it? That goal, and Carlton’s up at Wigan, must surely be our best-worked goals this year.
While we’ve been stuttering the teams immediately below us have pulled off some unlikely results which means that the battle for 7th place and European qualification has become much more competitive. At the moment we’ve been edged into 8th on goal difference by Wigan, but ought to pull ahead of them by the end of May. And despite Fulham getting a tremendous result against manure that would have gladdened the hearts of most people who hate the arrogant rich and the high and mighty, we ought to stay ahead of them too.
The more serious challenge will come from the traditional enemy - Spurs. Our away fixture there next weekend will be crucial. If we play for a draw we will lose but go for a win and we might do it – or at least gain a point keeping the gap between us. After the way Harry treated us earlier this season we don’t need any incentives, do we?
And so to Sunderland today. They have lifted themselves clear of the relegation pack but are not completely safe yet so their priority will be to not lose. We’ll have a chance to welcome back Anton and Heather and then hope they have an off day as our strike force may be a little depleted. The loss of Behrami and Collison has severely disrupted our ability to provide any drive and creativity from midfield but if Savio is fit again, maybe Dyer can get his – I was going to say “break”, but I better say “opportunity” – on the other flank, which should be good to watch and both should provide excellent service to whoever is able-bodied enough to play up-front – even the statuesque Tristan. Or, alternatively, Franco could play Savio as one of the front runners in the middle and bring Stanislas in to play on the left wing.
And if the Ginger Pele returns at the back that should give us more stability. Tomkins has been getting good reviews but I’m less convinced at the moment. He wins the ball very well in the air but panics when it falls to him on the ground and treats it like a hot potato.
So West Ham – what’s it to be today? April Fools, April showers? Or spring in our step? COYI!!!!
Monday, 16 March 2009
Who's barking now?
OLAS 457 March 16th 2009
Geezers from the East End don’t get a chance to feature on telly too often. Wrong accent no doubt, but one who gets a bit more airtime than others is Bob Crow – General Secretary of the RMT trade union. Brought up in Shadwell, these days he lives in Woodford but his accent is unmistakably East End. A lot of people aren’t that keen on him; they see him as something akin to the hard-nosed, totally intransigent, stereotyped trade unionist in Peter Sellers’ “I’m All Right Jack”, but I had the chance to spend a few hours in his company last week – and reckon he’s actually a top guy. He’s sharp and witty, interesting and very well read.
When I’m not writing for OLAS, one of the things I do to earn a crust is lead historical walks of the East End. Last year I wrote to some trade unions to see if they were interested. After all, trade unions played a crucial role in raising the standard of living for many East Enders. Anyway, the RMT were the first ones to make a booking. So Bob C and around 20 crew from their office turned up. He’s very personable – and I assumed from where he grew up and his general manner, that he must be West Ham. I was wrong. Over a curry after the walk I asked him if he follows the footie. He said he was Millwall! He then tested me on which team I supported. When I told him West Ham, he came back quick as a flash: “I liked you up to that point, Dave!” Some of his crew though were definitely West Ham – with a perfectly acceptable soft spot for Dagenham and Redbridge too – a bit like my soft spot for Leyton Orient that goes back to the ‘60s.
Now I’ve only ever met two other decent Millwall fans. One is a really dedicated teacher at the comprehensive my kids went to, who is not impressed with the obsession with academic qualifications and goes the extra mile to ensure that non-academic kids get proper life opportunities and develop self-respect too. The other is a rat catcher called Paul who misspent his youth in the Young National Front before giving even more years of graft to the cause of anti-fascism. And here’s a connection. Because if there is one respect in which Bob Crow is certainly not like a lot of other Millwall tossers past and present, it is that he is a deadly serious anti-fascist. And he knows that the next couple of months are crucial for campaigns to keep the BNP from winning European seats – which unfortunately is looking on the cards. And a couple (or more) Euro seats will bring in much more money and prestige for these political numskulls.
Given the support they have had in Barking in recent years, it is surely the case that the other loyalty some BNP voters hold to is the same one as us –West Ham Football Club. Although you have to wonder what their West Ham support consists of, because they could hardly cheer for the players who are immigrants or children of immigrants such as our newest great prospect Savio, or Carlton Cole or Herita Ilunga, not to mention Keiron Dyer or some of our youth prospects coming through like Zavon Hines and Bondz N’Gala. And some of the white immigrants such as Lucas Neill, Valon Behrami, Jan Latuvska probably tax their analytical skills too. If you hate immigrants, what happens if their skin is not too dark? They are still bloody foreigners… Though you wonder where some of these BNP characters originally came from too. I don’t suppose their ancestors lived thousands of yeas ago in caves in Hornchurch or Romford. And I’m willing to bet a bob or two that some of them are no more solidly British than St George was. He is generally believed to be Turkish or Persian. So maybe if they ever do get to power they’ll chuck themselves out. We can’t afford to test that one though.
Our club is bang in the middle of Newham and Newham today is a really multicultural area. Living cheek by jowl with the older English and Irish communities you have families from Angola, Eritrea and Tanzania, Taiwan, Malaysia, India, Poland, Italy, Turkey, Albania the Caribbean, Pakistan and Bangladesh – and gradually our fan base will start to reflect that more and more. and maybe the players too. We certainly have a more internationally mixed squad than in previous decades so, in that sense, the BNP are already yesterday’s grumpy old bastards fighting for an imaginary purer past, rather than the party of the future. But it is the damage they can do in the present that worries me.
Back on the pitch we’ve had two great results and lots of drama. The victory over Bellend’s Citeh was richly deserved and incredibly hard-worked for. It was a performance of patience and determination crowned with a beautifully taken goal by Jack Collison. Bellend hardly got a look in and not surprisingly was substituted in the second half. If he thought he was moving up in the world, instead of just moving north, he got a serious reality check.
Behrami’s injury was a terrible blow but it meant that Savio entered the fray earlier than anticipated and he gave us that extra dimension going forward that we were lacking. He deserves to be in the starting line-up. If the quick and clever passing movement that led to Savio’s shot being parried and Collison’s cool chip typified the West Ham way, then what can you say about Carlton’s goal at Wigan? This was made in Chadwell Heath, 68 vintage. Mesmerising one touch passing, with the ball never leaving the ground, and a curling 20-yard shot. Quintessential West Ham. When I heard that Carlton had been sent off three minutes later I feared the worst, but once the boy in black sent off one of their’s too I was confident we would hold on.
If the referee of the Citeh game was atrocious to both teams, hardly getting one decision right, the refereeing at Wigan was completely farcical. Carlton’s first yellow was a legitimate tackle in which he made fair contact with the ball. You shouldn’t get booked just for having long legs. His second challenge was clumsy but without any malice. Mind you even if Carlton should have stayed on, Scotty Parker and Lucas Neill were rather lucky not to be sent for an early bath. Scotty seems to have lost al composure in theses situations, and as for Lucas, who strangely is playing some good football these days, those old fouling habits seem hard to shed.
So after the last league game we find ourselves in 7th place, a few points ahead of our rivals. And given which clubs are fighting out the F A Cup, a European place is beckoning. Not everyone wants it. For a club with a thin squad, a place in European football can be poisoned chalice. We have a thin squad (though less than thin fans – still who am I to talk?) but a European place might just be the bait that can lure quality players keen to play for Franco Zola. I hope that, despite the injury/suspensions list increasing, we really go for it. And most importantly, I hope we maintain a healthy lead over Spurs points tally.
Harry is targeting Europe too. He doesn’t realise, or at least publicly acknowledge, that half his players are talented and half of them are crap. He might think they are out the relegation dogfight. I don’t think they are yet. A European place would be a bonus given that we started this season under Turdishley and his same-old, same old, boring style. Last year Turdishley took us to mid table and his ambition seemed to be limited to keeping us there. Franco wants to push on, to compete with and learn from the best. We’ve got nearly 40 points and there are 10 games to go starting with tonight.
Franco’s been a bit reluctant to upset a settled team with too many changes but tonight he has no choice – no Cole, Behrami or Collison. Freddie Sears has been getting a lot of stick in these columns and on the fans websites but he just needs a goal to regain his self-confidence. A defence as generous as West Brom’s might afford him that opportunity. I’d rather have his energy and drive up front than Diego Tristan who reminds me of a waxwork statue, though with less mobility.
I feel a bit sorry for West Brom, who generally try to play attacking football, but with few players of premiership quality. The teams above them are enjoying a mini-revival and they are dropping off from the pack. They are going to have to try to win tonight and that will give us the opportunities we need. So, 3-1 tonight with Savio on the score-sheet landing one in the eye for those in Barking who are barking seriously up the wrong tree.
Geezers from the East End don’t get a chance to feature on telly too often. Wrong accent no doubt, but one who gets a bit more airtime than others is Bob Crow – General Secretary of the RMT trade union. Brought up in Shadwell, these days he lives in Woodford but his accent is unmistakably East End. A lot of people aren’t that keen on him; they see him as something akin to the hard-nosed, totally intransigent, stereotyped trade unionist in Peter Sellers’ “I’m All Right Jack”, but I had the chance to spend a few hours in his company last week – and reckon he’s actually a top guy. He’s sharp and witty, interesting and very well read.
When I’m not writing for OLAS, one of the things I do to earn a crust is lead historical walks of the East End. Last year I wrote to some trade unions to see if they were interested. After all, trade unions played a crucial role in raising the standard of living for many East Enders. Anyway, the RMT were the first ones to make a booking. So Bob C and around 20 crew from their office turned up. He’s very personable – and I assumed from where he grew up and his general manner, that he must be West Ham. I was wrong. Over a curry after the walk I asked him if he follows the footie. He said he was Millwall! He then tested me on which team I supported. When I told him West Ham, he came back quick as a flash: “I liked you up to that point, Dave!” Some of his crew though were definitely West Ham – with a perfectly acceptable soft spot for Dagenham and Redbridge too – a bit like my soft spot for Leyton Orient that goes back to the ‘60s.
Now I’ve only ever met two other decent Millwall fans. One is a really dedicated teacher at the comprehensive my kids went to, who is not impressed with the obsession with academic qualifications and goes the extra mile to ensure that non-academic kids get proper life opportunities and develop self-respect too. The other is a rat catcher called Paul who misspent his youth in the Young National Front before giving even more years of graft to the cause of anti-fascism. And here’s a connection. Because if there is one respect in which Bob Crow is certainly not like a lot of other Millwall tossers past and present, it is that he is a deadly serious anti-fascist. And he knows that the next couple of months are crucial for campaigns to keep the BNP from winning European seats – which unfortunately is looking on the cards. And a couple (or more) Euro seats will bring in much more money and prestige for these political numskulls.
Given the support they have had in Barking in recent years, it is surely the case that the other loyalty some BNP voters hold to is the same one as us –West Ham Football Club. Although you have to wonder what their West Ham support consists of, because they could hardly cheer for the players who are immigrants or children of immigrants such as our newest great prospect Savio, or Carlton Cole or Herita Ilunga, not to mention Keiron Dyer or some of our youth prospects coming through like Zavon Hines and Bondz N’Gala. And some of the white immigrants such as Lucas Neill, Valon Behrami, Jan Latuvska probably tax their analytical skills too. If you hate immigrants, what happens if their skin is not too dark? They are still bloody foreigners… Though you wonder where some of these BNP characters originally came from too. I don’t suppose their ancestors lived thousands of yeas ago in caves in Hornchurch or Romford. And I’m willing to bet a bob or two that some of them are no more solidly British than St George was. He is generally believed to be Turkish or Persian. So maybe if they ever do get to power they’ll chuck themselves out. We can’t afford to test that one though.
Our club is bang in the middle of Newham and Newham today is a really multicultural area. Living cheek by jowl with the older English and Irish communities you have families from Angola, Eritrea and Tanzania, Taiwan, Malaysia, India, Poland, Italy, Turkey, Albania the Caribbean, Pakistan and Bangladesh – and gradually our fan base will start to reflect that more and more. and maybe the players too. We certainly have a more internationally mixed squad than in previous decades so, in that sense, the BNP are already yesterday’s grumpy old bastards fighting for an imaginary purer past, rather than the party of the future. But it is the damage they can do in the present that worries me.
Back on the pitch we’ve had two great results and lots of drama. The victory over Bellend’s Citeh was richly deserved and incredibly hard-worked for. It was a performance of patience and determination crowned with a beautifully taken goal by Jack Collison. Bellend hardly got a look in and not surprisingly was substituted in the second half. If he thought he was moving up in the world, instead of just moving north, he got a serious reality check.
Behrami’s injury was a terrible blow but it meant that Savio entered the fray earlier than anticipated and he gave us that extra dimension going forward that we were lacking. He deserves to be in the starting line-up. If the quick and clever passing movement that led to Savio’s shot being parried and Collison’s cool chip typified the West Ham way, then what can you say about Carlton’s goal at Wigan? This was made in Chadwell Heath, 68 vintage. Mesmerising one touch passing, with the ball never leaving the ground, and a curling 20-yard shot. Quintessential West Ham. When I heard that Carlton had been sent off three minutes later I feared the worst, but once the boy in black sent off one of their’s too I was confident we would hold on.
If the referee of the Citeh game was atrocious to both teams, hardly getting one decision right, the refereeing at Wigan was completely farcical. Carlton’s first yellow was a legitimate tackle in which he made fair contact with the ball. You shouldn’t get booked just for having long legs. His second challenge was clumsy but without any malice. Mind you even if Carlton should have stayed on, Scotty Parker and Lucas Neill were rather lucky not to be sent for an early bath. Scotty seems to have lost al composure in theses situations, and as for Lucas, who strangely is playing some good football these days, those old fouling habits seem hard to shed.
So after the last league game we find ourselves in 7th place, a few points ahead of our rivals. And given which clubs are fighting out the F A Cup, a European place is beckoning. Not everyone wants it. For a club with a thin squad, a place in European football can be poisoned chalice. We have a thin squad (though less than thin fans – still who am I to talk?) but a European place might just be the bait that can lure quality players keen to play for Franco Zola. I hope that, despite the injury/suspensions list increasing, we really go for it. And most importantly, I hope we maintain a healthy lead over Spurs points tally.
Harry is targeting Europe too. He doesn’t realise, or at least publicly acknowledge, that half his players are talented and half of them are crap. He might think they are out the relegation dogfight. I don’t think they are yet. A European place would be a bonus given that we started this season under Turdishley and his same-old, same old, boring style. Last year Turdishley took us to mid table and his ambition seemed to be limited to keeping us there. Franco wants to push on, to compete with and learn from the best. We’ve got nearly 40 points and there are 10 games to go starting with tonight.
Franco’s been a bit reluctant to upset a settled team with too many changes but tonight he has no choice – no Cole, Behrami or Collison. Freddie Sears has been getting a lot of stick in these columns and on the fans websites but he just needs a goal to regain his self-confidence. A defence as generous as West Brom’s might afford him that opportunity. I’d rather have his energy and drive up front than Diego Tristan who reminds me of a waxwork statue, though with less mobility.
I feel a bit sorry for West Brom, who generally try to play attacking football, but with few players of premiership quality. The teams above them are enjoying a mini-revival and they are dropping off from the pack. They are going to have to try to win tonight and that will give us the opportunities we need. So, 3-1 tonight with Savio on the score-sheet landing one in the eye for those in Barking who are barking seriously up the wrong tree.
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Love and hate
OLAS 456 March 1st 2009
From the moment that Craig Bellamy was out the exit door and scraping his knuckles along Green Street looking for the way north, no one has been waiting for his return to Upton Park in opposing colours more than the Upton Park faithful. We never ignore an ex-Hammer.
For those who gave their all for the club and chose to move on, but did so without acrimony, we are extraordinarily generous in our welcome and greetings. Just recently Carlos Tevez, Michael Carrick and Rio Ferdinand seemed quite overwhelmed by the warmth and degree of applause they received. When Bobby Zee returned with Fulham we applauded him as he stepped out, laughed as he blasted the ball into the Centenary stand (and remembered why we didn’t need him) but chanted his name with love as he eventually got substituted. Even when they have been gone ages – like Jimmy Bullard who recently stepped out for Hull - they have been remembered with total respect.
That doesn’t come from nowhere. It is part of the tradition of a club that, much later than most around it, could still boast some Stevie Potts, some Trevor Brookings - one-club players - and others who gave many, many years of service before ending their careers in lower divisions.
The revival of such club loyalty among 21st century premier league players would buck such an enormous trend in the game in general, and even at West Ham we have had to acknowledge that the present day reality is that players don’t stay with us very long. Young Mark Noble is our longest serving regular first teamer – which is bizarre. He’s still only about 11 years old. Nevertheless, you get the feeling now that many of the players who are currently to Upton Park want to commit their long-term future to the club, and in most cases not for the money.
In the good old days when we would score 80 goals a season but let in 84, beat top clubs and lose to all the crappy ones, and get dumped out of the F. A.Cup by nomarks from Division3, we had players who got all the pleasure they wanted just stepping out week on week in the claret and blue.
And for several of our players now you can feel that spirit returning. They can see the possibility of enjoying their football, relishing being part of a true team set-up and fulfilling their football ambitions by staying here. How many will actually be here in two years time is anybody’s guess but Zola and Clarke are reviving all the best traditions at Upton Park in the way we play, in the bond with the fans and the general feel about the place. Truly re-establishing that sense of absolute belonging among the players would be an enormous achievement for Little and Large.
But then, in the Beautiful Game, you have those who are steeped in the growing mercenary traditions pervading football outside of Upton Park – those who can only think of glory through their pay packet, who have been prepared to cynically turn their back on us, who claim they love the club one minute but show they only love themselves. Paul Ince did it years ago, then there was Jermaine Defoe and now we have today’s returnee – Craig Bellamy. Let’s make him know how we feel. (as if I needed to say that – people are already straining at the leash.)
Today will be a big test of character. We seemed to have been unduly knocked off balance and deflated by the barely deserved defeat against Man U and some pretty careless displays have followed. Giving away unnecessary free kicks just outside the box is criminally stupid and we were deservedly punished both at Bolton and at Middlesbrough. At least against Bolton we made several chances and goal attempts. Against Borough we were absolute pants. And I pity the thousands who made it up there instead of sitting in their living rooms at home shouting ‘fuckbolloxfuckbollox” and throwing their cat/supper/youngest child at the telly.
If we registered any worthwhile attempts on target, I must have been blinking at the time. Our approach play was far too obvious and slow and, whereas a few weeks ago we were looking sharp and clever, on Wednesday night we just looked tired and uninspired. Just like our dreams…
But there is still a lot to play for in the league. This time last year the season was already over – safe from relegation and also safely out of the race for Europe we were seeing out the games knowing that we were unlikely to finish higher than 9th or lower than 12th. This year the battle for 7th or even 6th might still be on for several teams including us. Though, conversely, if our poor run continues we could soon find ourselves back among the teams fighting the drop, so today we’ve not only got to put in a good performance but get a result. Three points are needed but even one might steady things a bit and help us look forward with hope to the following four fixtures, mainly against lowly teams, where there are points for the taking.
The desire by fans to put one over that under-evolved creature - Craig Bellamy – will certainly be a huge motivating factor but we‘ve got to do the business on the pitch and Zola has to think hard about his team selection. Di Michele has gone off the boil and Freddie Sears deserves another start. Midfield is harder to call. With the exception of Scotty Parker, whose performances have picked up again, Behrami, Noble and Collison have all disappointed lately. Kovac looked solid but lacking match practice against Borough. Savio can play a midfield role and might give us the spark we need to recapture. I’d like to see him in the starting eleven.
Bellamy aside, I find it hard to hate Man City. Most of my hate in that part of the world is almost completely used up by Manure and Bolton. Poor Citeh have always had to live in the shadow of their big cousins, thereby prompting my natural support for the underdog. Nevertheless I’m old enough to remember them winning the league back in ’68 with players like Mike Summerbee, Tony Book and Colin Bell. I’m sad enough, too, in my infinite recall of events 40 years ago (while I can’t remember what I was doing last week), to remember Hurst and Peters setting up goals for each other and scoring against them as we stuffed them 2-1 at Upton Park the following season, while the Citeh fans plaintively sang their own version of “Those Were the Days My Friend” (Remember Mary Hopkin? No, of course you don’t).
So, love football, hate Bellamy. Enjoy the game! COYI!!!!
From the moment that Craig Bellamy was out the exit door and scraping his knuckles along Green Street looking for the way north, no one has been waiting for his return to Upton Park in opposing colours more than the Upton Park faithful. We never ignore an ex-Hammer.
For those who gave their all for the club and chose to move on, but did so without acrimony, we are extraordinarily generous in our welcome and greetings. Just recently Carlos Tevez, Michael Carrick and Rio Ferdinand seemed quite overwhelmed by the warmth and degree of applause they received. When Bobby Zee returned with Fulham we applauded him as he stepped out, laughed as he blasted the ball into the Centenary stand (and remembered why we didn’t need him) but chanted his name with love as he eventually got substituted. Even when they have been gone ages – like Jimmy Bullard who recently stepped out for Hull - they have been remembered with total respect.
That doesn’t come from nowhere. It is part of the tradition of a club that, much later than most around it, could still boast some Stevie Potts, some Trevor Brookings - one-club players - and others who gave many, many years of service before ending their careers in lower divisions.
The revival of such club loyalty among 21st century premier league players would buck such an enormous trend in the game in general, and even at West Ham we have had to acknowledge that the present day reality is that players don’t stay with us very long. Young Mark Noble is our longest serving regular first teamer – which is bizarre. He’s still only about 11 years old. Nevertheless, you get the feeling now that many of the players who are currently to Upton Park want to commit their long-term future to the club, and in most cases not for the money.
In the good old days when we would score 80 goals a season but let in 84, beat top clubs and lose to all the crappy ones, and get dumped out of the F. A.Cup by nomarks from Division3, we had players who got all the pleasure they wanted just stepping out week on week in the claret and blue.
And for several of our players now you can feel that spirit returning. They can see the possibility of enjoying their football, relishing being part of a true team set-up and fulfilling their football ambitions by staying here. How many will actually be here in two years time is anybody’s guess but Zola and Clarke are reviving all the best traditions at Upton Park in the way we play, in the bond with the fans and the general feel about the place. Truly re-establishing that sense of absolute belonging among the players would be an enormous achievement for Little and Large.
But then, in the Beautiful Game, you have those who are steeped in the growing mercenary traditions pervading football outside of Upton Park – those who can only think of glory through their pay packet, who have been prepared to cynically turn their back on us, who claim they love the club one minute but show they only love themselves. Paul Ince did it years ago, then there was Jermaine Defoe and now we have today’s returnee – Craig Bellamy. Let’s make him know how we feel. (as if I needed to say that – people are already straining at the leash.)
Today will be a big test of character. We seemed to have been unduly knocked off balance and deflated by the barely deserved defeat against Man U and some pretty careless displays have followed. Giving away unnecessary free kicks just outside the box is criminally stupid and we were deservedly punished both at Bolton and at Middlesbrough. At least against Bolton we made several chances and goal attempts. Against Borough we were absolute pants. And I pity the thousands who made it up there instead of sitting in their living rooms at home shouting ‘fuckbolloxfuckbollox” and throwing their cat/supper/youngest child at the telly.
If we registered any worthwhile attempts on target, I must have been blinking at the time. Our approach play was far too obvious and slow and, whereas a few weeks ago we were looking sharp and clever, on Wednesday night we just looked tired and uninspired. Just like our dreams…
But there is still a lot to play for in the league. This time last year the season was already over – safe from relegation and also safely out of the race for Europe we were seeing out the games knowing that we were unlikely to finish higher than 9th or lower than 12th. This year the battle for 7th or even 6th might still be on for several teams including us. Though, conversely, if our poor run continues we could soon find ourselves back among the teams fighting the drop, so today we’ve not only got to put in a good performance but get a result. Three points are needed but even one might steady things a bit and help us look forward with hope to the following four fixtures, mainly against lowly teams, where there are points for the taking.
The desire by fans to put one over that under-evolved creature - Craig Bellamy – will certainly be a huge motivating factor but we‘ve got to do the business on the pitch and Zola has to think hard about his team selection. Di Michele has gone off the boil and Freddie Sears deserves another start. Midfield is harder to call. With the exception of Scotty Parker, whose performances have picked up again, Behrami, Noble and Collison have all disappointed lately. Kovac looked solid but lacking match practice against Borough. Savio can play a midfield role and might give us the spark we need to recapture. I’d like to see him in the starting eleven.
Bellamy aside, I find it hard to hate Man City. Most of my hate in that part of the world is almost completely used up by Manure and Bolton. Poor Citeh have always had to live in the shadow of their big cousins, thereby prompting my natural support for the underdog. Nevertheless I’m old enough to remember them winning the league back in ’68 with players like Mike Summerbee, Tony Book and Colin Bell. I’m sad enough, too, in my infinite recall of events 40 years ago (while I can’t remember what I was doing last week), to remember Hurst and Peters setting up goals for each other and scoring against them as we stuffed them 2-1 at Upton Park the following season, while the Citeh fans plaintively sang their own version of “Those Were the Days My Friend” (Remember Mary Hopkin? No, of course you don’t).
So, love football, hate Bellamy. Enjoy the game! COYI!!!!
Saturday, 14 February 2009
having a nice break
OLAS 455 February 14th 2009
Last summer, after 50 years on Planet Earth, I did something for the first time in my life. I broke a bone. No, not just out of some mad desire to try new things borne of a mid-life crisis. If I wanted to do that well there’s plenty of things I could do, like, I don’t know, eat bacon or do naked water-skiing. No, it was an accident, you understand. And it was just one toe – my big one on my left peg, but fuck me was it painful! So Jermaine Defoe, you may have put your foot in it now, so to speak, but I want you to know I understand just how frustrating and maddening it is, especially at this stage of the season. I can really feel your pain…as if! Had it happened to anyone else I would sympathise but in this case I’m laughing my plums off!
When we were relegated you could hardly wait ten minutes to try and run away, but I notice you are not running anywhere now. I watched as you burst on to the scene at West Ham. You were the most talented striker we have produced for donkeys. With a bit of patience and humility (not qualities you are renowned for), you could have been a hero at Upton Park. But you were one of those mercenary Craig Bellamy types, so you upped and left. You broke our hearts and now you have broken your toe.
That’s karma, man.
And all you can do now, maybe for the rest of the season, is watch your mates struggle to beat the big, big drop (get the latest odds from Mr M Etherington at Stoke). You’ve got time to kill now, Jermaine. Enjoy. And, as they say, “have a nice break.”
So, last Sunday, for the benefit principally of the Sky TV mega-empire for world domination, we took on the mightiest team in Europe (the world?) and came second, but it was a close run thing. Disappointed? Only a little. Worried or depressed? Not at all. We gave a performance of guile, determination and commitment that left me coming away from the ground feeling convinced that something very special is being built here by our three musketeers, as Gary rightly called them last issue, (remembering that keen Kevin was just as much part of the team).
If you watched MOTD last weekend you would have seen a very professional and convincing win by the other team in claret and blue – Aston Villa who are now seriously challenging the big guns. If we continue to develop the exciting and effective style of play we are demonstrating now, and show the same determination next summer, as we did in January, to hold on to our best players while carefully adding to the squad, then that is where we can be, and that is what we can be doing in the next 2-4 years.
The last time I felt like this was 2001, coincidentally also just after we played Man U. That was the time we undid them with Paulo di Canio’s cheeky goal while Barthez tried to put him off in an even cheekier way. But the true promise shown that day was not by some mad Italian footballing genius who buys up Mussolini first editions, but by the midfield trio of Lampard, Carrick and Cole, Kanoute up front (alongside di Canio), Hislop in goal, players that were just developing and improving since coming to the club like Schemmel and Tihinen and a crop of youngsters including Defoe and Anton Ferdinand coming through the youth team. If the club had made a proper investment then to build on that base there is every reason to believe that we could have turned into a top six club. But the board and management blew it. Big time.
It has taken a few years of ups and downs but now we have that opportunity again. Zola has trimmed the squad very well and gradually introduced competition for places. With a massive potential talent like Savio on the bench, getting used to West Ham and integrating into our style of play, and Sears desperate to be back on the pitch, di Michele is pulling out all the stops to show what an excellent player he still is. His recent performances have been outstanding. With Tomkins pushing for a place at the back, Upson and Colllins know they must maintain their current commanding form. And with that giant Kovac arriving. The midfield diamond know that any one of them is expendable and could soon be warming the bench if they are not performing to the best of their ability.
Carlton Cole’s development has been remarkable. I am still a little surprised he has made it into the England squad, but he has definitely made enormous strides (and not just because he has big feet). Come April, though, and he will be challenged for his place by Deano, the man with bionic ankles. But if Cole carries on playing with the confidence, skill and aggression he is now showing most of the time, Deano might struggle to dislodge him.
The surprise factor, and the true personification of our on-field progress has been Behrami. For so long we have been missing that kind of player who never gives up in the middle of the field, wins unwinnable tackles, drives forward, is happy to grow a beard, and can even score the odd goal. A Steve Lomas-Martin Allen-Billy Bonds rolled into one, although he is definitely not a south Londoner.
The only disappointment for me against the Mancs was Scotty Parker. He has been getting a lot of praise for his performances lately but last Sunday I thought he looked lethargic and was far too willing to go sideways or backwards instead of forward with the ball. Against a team like Man U, your chances of scoring diminish greatly if during an attack you give them a few minutes to regroup and that, I’m afraid, is what Scotty did most of the afternoon, despite often winning the ball impressively. I wouldn’t be surprised, or sorry, if he makes way for Kovac today.
Middlesbrough should be a less tough nut to crack, although teams struggling against relegation often produce surprising cup results. We should not, in the immortal worlds of the unlamented George Bush, “misundersestimate” them, but if we play anything like we did against Man United we ought to win comfortably. Middlesborough really are dull, dull, dull. My only connection with them (a tenuous one) is that my mate Clifford is a dead ringer for their manager Gareth Southgate. So much so that a few years ago at an airport in Guatemala he was approached by autograph hunters. Although its hard to believe that if Clifford appeared on a high street in Middlesbrough today that he’d get anyone seeking his signature. More likely they would throw things at him.
So, a chance to get into the quarter finals. I think Middlesbrough will come to frustrate – trying to take us way up North for a replay. We will need players willing to run at them and drag them out of position. And maybe Savio should start. If we get through today I don’t think we need to fear anyone we draw in the next round.
Jermaine, are you watching a cup game today? Oh no, I forgot Spurs were already dumped out of it. The Northern Lights are fading while the East is glowing.
Last summer, after 50 years on Planet Earth, I did something for the first time in my life. I broke a bone. No, not just out of some mad desire to try new things borne of a mid-life crisis. If I wanted to do that well there’s plenty of things I could do, like, I don’t know, eat bacon or do naked water-skiing. No, it was an accident, you understand. And it was just one toe – my big one on my left peg, but fuck me was it painful! So Jermaine Defoe, you may have put your foot in it now, so to speak, but I want you to know I understand just how frustrating and maddening it is, especially at this stage of the season. I can really feel your pain…as if! Had it happened to anyone else I would sympathise but in this case I’m laughing my plums off!
When we were relegated you could hardly wait ten minutes to try and run away, but I notice you are not running anywhere now. I watched as you burst on to the scene at West Ham. You were the most talented striker we have produced for donkeys. With a bit of patience and humility (not qualities you are renowned for), you could have been a hero at Upton Park. But you were one of those mercenary Craig Bellamy types, so you upped and left. You broke our hearts and now you have broken your toe.
That’s karma, man.
And all you can do now, maybe for the rest of the season, is watch your mates struggle to beat the big, big drop (get the latest odds from Mr M Etherington at Stoke). You’ve got time to kill now, Jermaine. Enjoy. And, as they say, “have a nice break.”
So, last Sunday, for the benefit principally of the Sky TV mega-empire for world domination, we took on the mightiest team in Europe (the world?) and came second, but it was a close run thing. Disappointed? Only a little. Worried or depressed? Not at all. We gave a performance of guile, determination and commitment that left me coming away from the ground feeling convinced that something very special is being built here by our three musketeers, as Gary rightly called them last issue, (remembering that keen Kevin was just as much part of the team).
If you watched MOTD last weekend you would have seen a very professional and convincing win by the other team in claret and blue – Aston Villa who are now seriously challenging the big guns. If we continue to develop the exciting and effective style of play we are demonstrating now, and show the same determination next summer, as we did in January, to hold on to our best players while carefully adding to the squad, then that is where we can be, and that is what we can be doing in the next 2-4 years.
The last time I felt like this was 2001, coincidentally also just after we played Man U. That was the time we undid them with Paulo di Canio’s cheeky goal while Barthez tried to put him off in an even cheekier way. But the true promise shown that day was not by some mad Italian footballing genius who buys up Mussolini first editions, but by the midfield trio of Lampard, Carrick and Cole, Kanoute up front (alongside di Canio), Hislop in goal, players that were just developing and improving since coming to the club like Schemmel and Tihinen and a crop of youngsters including Defoe and Anton Ferdinand coming through the youth team. If the club had made a proper investment then to build on that base there is every reason to believe that we could have turned into a top six club. But the board and management blew it. Big time.
It has taken a few years of ups and downs but now we have that opportunity again. Zola has trimmed the squad very well and gradually introduced competition for places. With a massive potential talent like Savio on the bench, getting used to West Ham and integrating into our style of play, and Sears desperate to be back on the pitch, di Michele is pulling out all the stops to show what an excellent player he still is. His recent performances have been outstanding. With Tomkins pushing for a place at the back, Upson and Colllins know they must maintain their current commanding form. And with that giant Kovac arriving. The midfield diamond know that any one of them is expendable and could soon be warming the bench if they are not performing to the best of their ability.
Carlton Cole’s development has been remarkable. I am still a little surprised he has made it into the England squad, but he has definitely made enormous strides (and not just because he has big feet). Come April, though, and he will be challenged for his place by Deano, the man with bionic ankles. But if Cole carries on playing with the confidence, skill and aggression he is now showing most of the time, Deano might struggle to dislodge him.
The surprise factor, and the true personification of our on-field progress has been Behrami. For so long we have been missing that kind of player who never gives up in the middle of the field, wins unwinnable tackles, drives forward, is happy to grow a beard, and can even score the odd goal. A Steve Lomas-Martin Allen-Billy Bonds rolled into one, although he is definitely not a south Londoner.
The only disappointment for me against the Mancs was Scotty Parker. He has been getting a lot of praise for his performances lately but last Sunday I thought he looked lethargic and was far too willing to go sideways or backwards instead of forward with the ball. Against a team like Man U, your chances of scoring diminish greatly if during an attack you give them a few minutes to regroup and that, I’m afraid, is what Scotty did most of the afternoon, despite often winning the ball impressively. I wouldn’t be surprised, or sorry, if he makes way for Kovac today.
Middlesbrough should be a less tough nut to crack, although teams struggling against relegation often produce surprising cup results. We should not, in the immortal worlds of the unlamented George Bush, “misundersestimate” them, but if we play anything like we did against Man United we ought to win comfortably. Middlesborough really are dull, dull, dull. My only connection with them (a tenuous one) is that my mate Clifford is a dead ringer for their manager Gareth Southgate. So much so that a few years ago at an airport in Guatemala he was approached by autograph hunters. Although its hard to believe that if Clifford appeared on a high street in Middlesbrough today that he’d get anyone seeking his signature. More likely they would throw things at him.
So, a chance to get into the quarter finals. I think Middlesbrough will come to frustrate – trying to take us way up North for a replay. We will need players willing to run at them and drag them out of position. And maybe Savio should start. If we get through today I don’t think we need to fear anyone we draw in the next round.
Jermaine, are you watching a cup game today? Oh no, I forgot Spurs were already dumped out of it. The Northern Lights are fading while the East is glowing.
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