having a nice break

OLAS 455 February 14th 2009

Last summer, after 50 years on Planet Earth, I did something for the first time in my life. I broke a bone. No, not just out of some mad desire to try new things borne of a mid-life crisis. If I wanted to do that well there’s plenty of things I could do, like, I don’t know, eat bacon or do naked water-skiing. No, it was an accident, you understand. And it was just one toe – my big one on my left peg, but fuck me was it painful! So Jermaine Defoe, you may have put your foot in it now, so to speak, but I want you to know I understand just how frustrating and maddening it is, especially at this stage of the season. I can really feel your pain…as if! Had it happened to anyone else I would sympathise but in this case I’m laughing my plums off!

When we were relegated you could hardly wait ten minutes to try and run away, but I notice you are not running anywhere now. I watched as you burst on to the scene at West Ham. You were the most talented striker we have produced for donkeys. With a bit of patience and humility (not qualities you are renowned for), you could have been a hero at Upton Park. But you were one of those mercenary Craig Bellamy types, so you upped and left. You broke our hearts and now you have broken your toe.

That’s karma, man.

And all you can do now, maybe for the rest of the season, is watch your mates struggle to beat the big, big drop (get the latest odds from Mr M Etherington at Stoke). You’ve got time to kill now, Jermaine. Enjoy. And, as they say, “have a nice break.”

So, last Sunday, for the benefit principally of the Sky TV mega-empire for world domination, we took on the mightiest team in Europe (the world?) and came second, but it was a close run thing. Disappointed? Only a little. Worried or depressed? Not at all. We gave a performance of guile, determination and commitment that left me coming away from the ground feeling convinced that something very special is being built here by our three musketeers, as Gary rightly called them last issue, (remembering that keen Kevin was just as much part of the team).

If you watched MOTD last weekend you would have seen a very professional and convincing win by the other team in claret and blue – Aston Villa who are now seriously challenging the big guns. If we continue to develop the exciting and effective style of play we are demonstrating now, and show the same determination next summer, as we did in January, to hold on to our best players while carefully adding to the squad, then that is where we can be, and that is what we can be doing in the next 2-4 years.

The last time I felt like this was 2001, coincidentally also just after we played Man U. That was the time we undid them with Paulo di Canio’s cheeky goal while Barthez tried to put him off in an even cheekier way. But the true promise shown that day was not by some mad Italian footballing genius who buys up Mussolini first editions, but by the midfield trio of Lampard, Carrick and Cole, Kanoute up front (alongside di Canio), Hislop in goal, players that were just developing and improving since coming to the club like Schemmel and Tihinen and a crop of youngsters including Defoe and Anton Ferdinand coming through the youth team. If the club had made a proper investment then to build on that base there is every reason to believe that we could have turned into a top six club. But the board and management blew it. Big time.

It has taken a few years of ups and downs but now we have that opportunity again. Zola has trimmed the squad very well and gradually introduced competition for places. With a massive potential talent like Savio on the bench, getting used to West Ham and integrating into our style of play, and Sears desperate to be back on the pitch, di Michele is pulling out all the stops to show what an excellent player he still is. His recent performances have been outstanding. With Tomkins pushing for a place at the back, Upson and Colllins know they must maintain their current commanding form. And with that giant Kovac arriving. The midfield diamond know that any one of them is expendable and could soon be warming the bench if they are not performing to the best of their ability.

Carlton Cole’s development has been remarkable. I am still a little surprised he has made it into the England squad, but he has definitely made enormous strides (and not just because he has big feet). Come April, though, and he will be challenged for his place by Deano, the man with bionic ankles. But if Cole carries on playing with the confidence, skill and aggression he is now showing most of the time, Deano might struggle to dislodge him.

The surprise factor, and the true personification of our on-field progress has been Behrami. For so long we have been missing that kind of player who never gives up in the middle of the field, wins unwinnable tackles, drives forward, is happy to grow a beard, and can even score the odd goal. A Steve Lomas-Martin Allen-Billy Bonds rolled into one, although he is definitely not a south Londoner.

The only disappointment for me against the Mancs was Scotty Parker. He has been getting a lot of praise for his performances lately but last Sunday I thought he looked lethargic and was far too willing to go sideways or backwards instead of forward with the ball. Against a team like Man U, your chances of scoring diminish greatly if during an attack you give them a few minutes to regroup and that, I’m afraid, is what Scotty did most of the afternoon, despite often winning the ball impressively. I wouldn’t be surprised, or sorry, if he makes way for Kovac today.

Middlesbrough should be a less tough nut to crack, although teams struggling against relegation often produce surprising cup results. We should not, in the immortal worlds of the unlamented George Bush, “misundersestimate” them, but if we play anything like we did against Man United we ought to win comfortably. Middlesborough really are dull, dull, dull. My only connection with them (a tenuous one) is that my mate Clifford is a dead ringer for their manager Gareth Southgate. So much so that a few years ago at an airport in Guatemala he was approached by autograph hunters. Although its hard to believe that if Clifford appeared on a high street in Middlesbrough today that he’d get anyone seeking his signature. More likely they would throw things at him.

So, a chance to get into the quarter finals. I think Middlesbrough will come to frustrate – trying to take us way up North for a replay. We will need players willing to run at them and drag them out of position. And maybe Savio should start. If we get through today I don’t think we need to fear anyone we draw in the next round.

Jermaine, are you watching a cup game today? Oh no, I forgot Spurs were already dumped out of it. The Northern Lights are fading while the East is glowing.