Young, gifted and gone

OLAS 439 May 12th 2008

I’m glad we’re playing the other claret and blue team on the last day of the season. They are the perfect barometer for us. In the last 10 years several of our meetings have ended in yawn-yawn draws. We are both clubs with a big tradition whose glory days are a fading but persistent memory, though they don’t need to go back as long as us to remember holding some silverware, or anything to cheer about for that matter. We have both underperformed in the league in recent years though they have at least managed to hold on to premiership status.

Now, we are used to discussion about the gulf between the big four and the rest but if we are going to seriously address how West Ham can move onwards and upwards we probably need to make comparisons with clubs outside the elite – like Villa.

This time last year, when we were struggling for our premiership lives, Villa finished in the mid-table wilderness on 50 points (the kind of position that still gives our “manager” wet dreams). And if we think it has been dull here this season – they managed to draw nearly half their games in 2006-7, scored only 43 goals and ended up winning fewer games than we did last year.

But take a look now. Despite hitting some rocky patches, they are sitting with an outside chance of finishing 6th, they have won 16 games and have scored shed-loads more goals than most of the teams around them – a mouth-watering 69, so to speak, while we have barely managed 40. Our old friend Marlene, who has become a prolific substitute for them, has put six of their goals away. Only Man U and Arsenal have scored more than Villa this season. They play with power and positivity, with a captain who leads by example and a manager who is a bit of a nutter but whose determination to succeed is absolutely palpable.

OK, I think you can see where the comparison between us are starting to break down. But we also need to take into account the one that got away – Ashley Young. He’s not a prolific scorer – he’s scored 8 times this year – but he has made 14. He’s a goal-maker, a goal provider, who uses pace, power and accuracy, and he had the chance to come here. The club made quite an effort to get him in January 2007, and given the silly money that was being chucked about by the Eggman, he could have made himself very comfortable financially. Ash would have certainly been in the cash.

You might have thought that anyone who had the choice would want to stay in a vibrant place like London rather than have to live in the Midlands (though now we’ve got Boris…OK that’s another story). Ashley Young has years ahead of him so he could cope with being in a team that needed to rebuild. He probably had little confidence that we would survive in the premiership, but it is more likely that he saw the Villa set up as a more ambitious, more exciting place to be. Even with our atrocious injuries this year, which I cannot believe have nothing to do with the way we look after our players, a gifted goal-maker like Young on the wing would have made such an enormous difference.

Before writing today I looked back at my first OLAS piece this season where I made no guesses at where we would end up in the league but the one prediction for the season I confidently made was that we would score lots of goals. I could not have predicted that the one forward with a bit of pace and drive – Bellend – would be crocked for most of the season, (apart from when Wales wanted him to play) or that the second year of Ashton’s recuperation would consist of little more than dyeing his hair and eating lots of pies. Injuring himself scoring a spectacular goal at old Trafford last week just makes it tougher for us OLAS writers to invent biting new satire. Though you might ask who needs to work hard to write it when it happens right in front of our eyes? I’ll be surprised to see him turn up this afternoon.

The other talking point from the United game was Nani head-butting Lucas Neill – typical of the sheer arrogance of Manure players that he didn’t realise that there is an orderly queue of people waiting patiently to nut Lucas and most of them are Hammers fans.

I don’t think anyone really expected any surprises this year at Old Trafford, suffice to say that we would find it hard enough to recover if we gave two goals to a team like Bournemouth let alone the league champions in waiting. I won’t say “gave three goals” because Carlitos’s strike was a peach of a goal carved out of nothing but executed beautifully and I don’t blame the West Ham fans who applauded it. He also had the grace to celebrate his goal in a low-key way and not rub it in our faces. Respect to you Carlitos.

So last time round I was preparing for our “cup final” against Newcastle for the Mid Table Mediocrity championship. It has not been decided yet and I have a sneaking feeling that Spurs will take it. To be honest it is no more than we deserve. The first half of our season was dull but at least we picked up points, the second half of the season has been a total disgrace. Apart from the youngsters who are giving their all, the only players who have seemed to care throughout the season have been Greenie, McCartney, Noble and Carlton Cole, and when he’s not been crocked, Scott Parker. The rest have been a pile of Boa Morte.

I was out of the country for the game where we stuffed Man U, which leaves two home games this year that gave me the excitement the loyal fans, regularly rinsed by the club’s owners, are entitled to expect every week. One was the Liverpool game. Mark Noble’s injury time penalty was an unforgettable moment in a sea of completely forgettable fixtures. The other game was our last one here against Kev’s Geordies.

We didn’t win but for once we looked like we really wanted to. We scored two cracking goals, could have had more, and dominated the game by playing with fire, pace and skill for 90 minutes. We let in one well taken goal and one jammy one. It reminded me of the kind of game I used to see here almost every time in the 60s and 70s – end to end, all action, great attacking, crap defending, played in an excellent spirit. And much as I dislike Newcastle, they played their part in it too. They were outplayed but they were always looking to go forward and seemed determined to give value for money to their hard-travelled fans who turned up in huge numbers for a game the other end of the country.

Finally, thanks to Gary for a great job producing OLAS for another year – and to my companeros who also write for “Not the Shite and Overpriced West Ham Programme”. You may have noticed that I have not mentioned Curbishley this issue. I don’t want to. I’ve had enough of him, so I won’t – and you can’t make me. Have a great summer and forget this season – I already have. We need some big, big changes at West Ham – or as the American singer Steve Earle says: “In your own backyard, In your own hometown, So what you doin’ standin’ around? Just follow your heart, The revolution starts now”
See you in august – Come On You Irons!!!